tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-79069775684632006062024-03-13T10:49:54.882-04:00mama2tlcmusings about this lifeCharlottehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04381446262467521217noreply@blogger.comBlogger153125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7906977568463200606.post-77432258644609153182016-02-21T19:28:00.002-05:002016-02-21T19:28:31.000-05:00Prayers answeredMy little one was sick recently. He hasn't often been sick and as a result of that (plus him being the fourth child) I wasn't too concerned over the sickness. He'd recover in a few days surely and life would return to normal. We made him comfortable and began to wait it out. A week of fever and then cough turned to two weeks and going on three weeks of sickness. <br />
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As I went about errands and prepared to go to the Chosen Women's Conference that day, with a soon to be uncompleted list of to-do's, I stopped by the clinic with this little one just to make sure. Within 10 minutes of arriving, a chest scan completed and initial treatment for pneumonia, an ambulance was called to transport us to the children's hospital. My little one was in respiratory distress and treatment in the office was having no effect. With almost no battery power left on my phone, I alerted my husband, our pastor and friends. With a now dead battery, I sat back in the ambulance with his hand in mine and prayed. Cut off from communication, I didn't know that my mother in law had alerted to prayer family and friends all over the world and the entire prayer team at church began to pray. <br />
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We arrived at the hospital and they assessed his condition, listened to his lungs and continued oxygen. While I had been told he had pneumonia and double ear infection not more than an hour prior, I was now being told there was no pneumonia or ear infection. They ran tests and within hours this tests returned negative. Without saying it, they had no idea what was afflicting my little one. One student doctor at the medical university had the wild idea to run a titers test for a strain of pneumonia which had been suspected but returned negative. We were kept overnight for monitoring oxygen and sent home with no answers. <br />
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Three days later, the overseeing doctor called with results. The titers test came back positive. At some point in recent history, he had pneumonia, and by the time we arrived at the hospital, there was no trace of the germs causing his illness. <br />
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I really believe God's presence was with us while we rode in the ambulance that day. We were covered in prayer by the clinic staff, family and friends during that time. Prior to the ambulance ride, he had pneumonia, and by the time we arrived at the hospital, there was no sign of pneumonia. No other explanation for what happened except that God answered prayer in that moment and delivered him from this attack. God is good. He's a good good father. <br />
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I know that had there been another outcome, the following days would have been more a trial than they were. There have been times in our lives when healing didn't come as quickly and the process was more intense. Yet even then, God was faithful. God is always faithful. Then, now and ever will be.<br />
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I remain thankful to God, to the clinic and to the friends and family that held us up that day.Charlottehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04381446262467521217noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7906977568463200606.post-29310741678254772932016-02-14T18:42:00.002-05:002016-02-14T18:42:24.258-05:00I'm cradling the future in my arms tonightIt was the day of the big game and we're all crowded around the tube with our tummies stuffed and anticipating which would be the next championship team. We like football! It was a sweet moment with my middle boy all wrapped and cuddly in my cozy arms. In moments like these, it's easy to forget the big screen and cherish, treasure the snuggles and think about what this one has come through and what could be immeasurably, abundantly more for him in his many days to come. <br />
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He had recently been afflicted with a form of pneumonia and now today again with a tummy bug. And while these past few weeks have been but a shadow of his former days, they have been a challenge for this mamabear to see this middle boy struggle through another illness. As in those days, we get on our knees and pray for comfort, pray for strength and pray for healing, for his body to come into alignment with the Creator's plan for his body.<br />
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In previous years, he has battled up to 15 food allergies in addition to the seasonal and environmental allergens, battled skin care challenges and asthma regimens. We kept Jeremiah 17:14 in our focus. "Heal me, Lord and I will be healed. Save me Lord and I will be saved for you are the One I praise." It's wasn't overnight, but God led us through an adventure that has complete and total healing on the other side. We aren't there yet, but we will one day be. <br />
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Whenever he encounters sickness in any form, how quickly my mind wanders back to the dark days for him. And how quickly God reminds me that he faithfully brought my middle through those dark days. He has plans to prosper him and plans for a future for my middle boy.<br />
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That night, I snuggled, cuddled and praised Him for all He has done and imagined what He has yet to do in this little one's life and sat amazed that I get to witness it and love him through it all. Charlottehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04381446262467521217noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7906977568463200606.post-9580420908531323322016-02-14T17:58:00.000-05:002016-02-14T17:58:16.780-05:00grandpaThere's nothing quite like the extraordinary way words of a mentor... a friend... a grandfather can find me in a dark place and remind me of the hope that is to come. When pressure crowds in and suffocates, the reminder of who I am, whose I am alleviates and soothes. I remember times when Grandpa would send a simple message, "I'm thinking about you- everything okay?" In these simple words, permission to ask for help, share frustration, share aspirations, memories and dreams. And then, so it's so much more. It's hope for the future, building up and confirming. It's love.Charlottehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04381446262467521217noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7906977568463200606.post-37216236410159582872016-01-22T21:16:00.000-05:002016-01-22T21:27:21.027-05:00Tell us your storyI was asked recently to speak to a group of people and the only objective was to tell my story. I rejected the idea. I love stories. I love to hear people tell their stories. There's great value in hearing from another person about the experiences of life that have impacted their life. Just not my story. The truth is, I'd rather leave the past in the past. I've left a lot of things <i>here </i>and it's fun to go back from time to time and read them again, to marvel out how much God has taught me, allowed me to experience in this life and wonder about what is to come, but <i>this </i>is very different than in real life in front of real people. There's no deleting mistyped words in public or reorganizing thoughts. There's no removing a post that shouldn't have been in real life. And I'm not my story. I'm not my experiences. They have just been events in my life. Maybe they've formed who I have become, but I'd rather think that I am who I am because "<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w2Yh4exnBU0">I AM</a>" says who I am.
But, I relented. I know there's value in breaking the silence over these things in my past, because they are also the things in another's past and my putting to voice the pain and hurt of the past allows them to voice the hurt and scars of their past too. And if God can heal the wounds of my past, then maybe I can speak hope into a future of healed hurts and brokenness. Bless it. <br />
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This stuff is heart wrenching and hard and I don't want to do it.
Here it is. This is the story I shared.
Remember the days of VHS- rewind and fast-forward features allowed us to see a glimpse of the story? We're going to fast forward for a minute. My parents were teenagers when I was born and in another couple years, we gained a baby brother and sister. But poverty, immaturity and inexperience took a toll and 5 years from when it started, we were a family broken by divorce. The next couple years were hard. I remember babysitters who were getting high and selling drugs on their watch. I remember, as a child, cooking for my siblings. I don't really know why, but just that it was necessary. Life was tough, so very tough.<br />
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In a couple more years, everything changed. Adoption was decided the best option for us. We were removed from our home, the communities and families that we had grown up living with and around and were placed in a new place, a new community, new school, new neighborhood. We were blessed with Sunday School, piano lessons, dream vacations, stuffed to overflowing Christmas trees. From poverty to privileged. And it was beautiful and perfect.<br />
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Then, it wasn't. For a time, after we had been tucked into bed at night, I was repeatedly violated while I lay in my bed at night. I don't need to go into the details of it all. It was traumatic. It was broken. It was not perfect and beautiful anymore. After a time, he was treated at an in-patient facility and all of it became a skeleton buried deep in the family closet never to be talked about again. That's all that need to be said.<br />
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If we fast forward some more, I met Jesus in high school. Later I met and married my sweet-heart, my strength, my comfort, my love. Later, my first child was born and that skeleton was about to come busting out of the closet. The symptoms were postpartum depression, anger, anxiety, bitterness and shame. Because he knew it would be best for me, as difficult as it would be and at the love and patient encouragement of my beloved, we tried very unsuccessfully to address the skeleton - now out of the closet. But, it was unheard of. I was called names, labelled "unforgiving", "revengeful" and "needing counseling" Sure I did and so did they.<br />
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More children were born. A reunion with my biological parents happened and that's a story I already told here. Depression, sickness and anger all continued to infest and intoxicate my life. The children that were born in the ensuing years were sick. They suffered terrible allergies and complications. We went on a journey to restore their health and it changed my life forever.<br />
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Some have started this idea to choose a word for the year. One Word. That changes everything. Resolutions and goals don't stick. But something about discerning a word from God and allowing Him to guide and direct on that theme through the year is changing things. Years before we decided to choose a word for the year, God chose a word for us.<br />
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In December 2012, I remember telling my dad that God wanted to heal in 2013- that it would be a year for healing. I imagined that this would be for my son whose allergies had gone from bad to worse- a boy who couldn't play outside and had to diligently eat only the strict diet we mapped out for him. You can see why we wanted healing and God too. Early 2013, his baby brother was diagnosed with 'failure to thrive'. So, early in this healing year of 2013 and our baby boy is pretty much the opposite. He also suffered food allergies with anaphlaxis risk. In the process of working through the failure to thrive, we discovered that God had completely healed our baby of his food allergies. From very high risk allergy to zero allergy in one year. This became a little seed of hope for healing that beautifully blossomed that year.<br />
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Through an "Awakening" Series and 21 days of prayer and fasting at our church, we prayed and hoped for God to heal our child. As the year progressed and regular allergy testing showed over and over again, he was responding. He was in the process of being healed. From 2012 to now, he has suffered up to 15 food allergies and currently only suffers from 2, which are also retreating and each year we continue to see progress.<br />
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What I did not imagine was a sealing of a healing process God had begun in my life. I had assumed that this history of abandonment, neglect and abuse would be baggage that I would carry for the remainder of my days. God had another plan. To tell that story, we rewind track a bit.
In 2011, I had been so terrified to discover that I was pregnant. I didn't comprehend how I could possibly survive another postpartum depression. I did not understand how or why I could be pregnant nor what I was going to do about that. Before my baby boy was born that fall, I had begun meeting with a group of people who love Jesus, love me and each other, encourage and challenge one another. We were seeking God, praying together and growing together. After this sweet, sweet child that greatly challenged my faith was born, a single solitary moment changed my life. We had gathered that week when he was just a few weeks old when national and local news broke about pedophiles who had violated children and families over the course of many many years. A fire of justice ignited in my heart and I cried out for prevention and policies and for the children! We prayed that day and the next is just so difficult to put into adequate words. Jesus came in that moment and took over. He used the words of my mouth to speak healing and redemption and restoration for all the people who had their lives scarred by these 2 pedophiles. He used that moment to deliver me of my baggage of trauma and abandonment. He healed my wounds that day. I could write on and on about that experience which defies all words. From that moment on, I did not suffer a single moment of postpartum depression with this final baby from my womb.<br />
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Those first years of mothering were lost- they were hard on me and it is by the grace of God we got through them. Healing from these things is something I never thought to ask for and something I never imagined could be mine. My dad told me one day that God could and would deliver it and we disagreed. I'm convinced that this moment is the result of many moments of prayers he spoke on my behalf and the result of the tremendous love of God which is far more powerful and holy that can ever be described. God worked a miracle then, which was in preparation for a day in the healing year of 2013 that I also didn't see coming.<br />
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Back to 2013, Pastor shared a verse one day- <a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Isaiah%2045:3">Isaiah 45:3</a>.I had this vision of myself, surrounded by the darkness in my life, all shades of dingy smoky gray. There's Jesus- a beacon of light, a treasure hidden in the dark places, with love radiating my face, with his hand out to me saying, 'come child, come to me and rest.' The truth is that I wouldn't know Jesus so preciously, so redemptively (i made up that word), so hopefully, if it weren't for these dark moments that have been my experience.
Summertime of that year, Jesus called me back to the darkness of my childhood, to a family event that could not be avoided. Since I had spoken out, pulled that skeleton out of the closet many year previously, my presence was not welcome by everyone. And it was terribly difficult to be around the people that had allowed so much difficulty in my life. However, Jesus ministered to me on the long drive and prepared my heart for the work that was to come.<br />
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As children, we had been required to forgive this person who wounded us. But that is not forgiveness. Forgiveness comes from the Father and is a gift from the Spirit. I found myself in a conversation with this person who had traumatized me and found once again, the Holy Spirit speaking through the words of my mouth. I really couldn't understand the words of my mouth, words that were not my original thoughts or expressions, and yet I was willing to speak and the words came. "I love you. I forgive you." Look, it's still difficult to be around these people, but God has restored and redeemed. We have to be willing to be present in the circles of people, in the patterns of life, go on the journeys and follow the guidance and direction of the Holy Spirit. When we do, it's not easy. It's so so so not easy. It's always worth it.
He's restored relationships, filled the gaps, redeemed, healed and loved and this is just the beginning.<br />
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The best is yet to come. Shout out (do people still say that?) to all the mamas of my life who have been present, prayed with, loved and encouraged me through these years and defined what a mama is and what a mama does.<br />
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Healing and hope come in when we make a place for His presence to come in and work.
I don't tell my story to be defined by my story. I tell this story to bring hope for healing and restoration for anyone reading it. God bless.Charlottehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04381446262467521217noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7906977568463200606.post-81707728346512268642014-06-24T21:39:00.001-04:002014-06-24T21:39:05.622-04:00There is tremendous blessing that comes with being in the presence of people who love Jesus and are actively seeking His will for their lives. I have been in a season of busy-news. More effort is being poured out in the tasks that need to be accomplished, in the day to business that has to happen. Between working in full time ministry to homeschooling and trying to have a relationship with my husband, my lack of priority in my relationship with my savior has pushed me to the breaking point. In God's abundant grace, He has seen fit to bring me back to his resting place, to rest in His presence and hear His calling on my life. I am so thankful for the beautiful people in my life who will speak that truth in my life. I'm so thankful for the leadership in my church family who love me and guide me and grow me mor and more towards the person God has created me to be. I'm thankful for the relationship which guides me toward Christ and Christ-likeness. Because I am greatly loved and treasured on this earth and in this time, I am more and more able to experience the love and mission that God has for as I lead my children and as I lead leaders. There really are no words for the gratitude that overflows and overwhelms my soul for the people in my life who reflect Christ to me that I might be used in multiplying that love to others. I'm expectantly hoping for more and more of His greatness and goodness to be evident in my life. Charlottehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04381446262467521217noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7906977568463200606.post-54187721123513318982014-06-19T21:29:00.003-04:002014-06-19T21:29:49.017-04:00something newIt's time for something new. A new perspective. A new way of looking at things. I haven't written in quite a long while. It needs to be done. There are words calling out of my heart and mind that need to be sorted out. Writing has always been therapy for me and when I wrote here before, there were words and emotions, hurts and hopes to express. Now, there still is a need for expression and sometimes a need for therapy, but it comes from a different perspective. When I wrote before I was searching for answers, conflicted and torn, heart broken and confused. There were moments and times of hope and peace, but they were found in the process. Now it seems that the perspective starts from a place of hope and peace. It's a new way to live. To find myself in a place where I live fully in the joy and hope and peace of the Lord is only to His glory. Sure, there are days and moments when I forget my peace, lose my joy, but now they are the exception. The Lord has worked out a good thing in my heart and mind and soul and I know that because He is faithful, He will continue to work out all things in my life for good- for His glory and purpose. I am excited about writing here again, growing here again, bearing my soul and finding hope and love and peace in the process!Charlottehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04381446262467521217noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7906977568463200606.post-39450876573139919032012-04-23T22:17:00.000-04:002012-04-23T22:17:47.506-04:00look Mama!Mama! Look! Look Mama!
What child? What is it, I ask, only half interested. What is it?
She stands there pointing above me, beyond me, speechless.
We stand there, she and I. I on the back steps facing the yard, her body facing me, yet her eyes lifted up, fixed on whatever has captured her attention.
Mama! Just look! (Still pointing)
Please dear, could you just use your words? Tell me what you want me to see.
Mama. Look! (still pointing).
Sadly this continues awhile longer until I relent, coming down from the steps to fix my attention on that which she delights.
I join her in the yard and as I turn and lift my eyes, I see that which has left my girl speechless. The clouds are parted just so and the sunlight pours out from the clouds in fantastic rays- more beautiful than words I have to describe the splendor of it all. I stand there and weep and thank my Father for the strength to get over myself long enough to take in this moment in time with her.
I ask her what it all makes her think and her response is simply "heaven".
Her heart and mind have been set on heaven since she has been old enough to communicate it. She'll be baptized soon and she is so excited. I cant help but know she's been waiting her whole life for this- for a glimpse of heaven.Charlottehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04381446262467521217noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7906977568463200606.post-12535472772039639862010-01-12T21:06:00.002-05:002010-01-12T21:19:33.237-05:00something cleverAgain tonight I find myself without much to write..... <div><br /></div><div>The reason I titled yesterday's post, discipline, is that I know writing is a discipline and I want add discipline in my life. That I want to write daily for the purpose of writing and thinking and using my brain.</div><div><br /></div><div>Which reminds me, at church, we are teaching the children that discipline is doing what you need to now so that you can grow stronger. Well, I want to be a stronger writer. So, I need to write more. I want to be a stronger thinker, so I need to think more. And writing and thinking. They go together. I may be on to something!</div><div><br /></div><div>Even on the days when I don't feel like I have much to write, I really do. Which is why I need to discipline myself to do it.</div><div><br /></div><div>I want my faith to be stronger. I want my faith to have action. I can't simply sit around and hope for that to happen. I must DO something. I must have discipline to think out my faith and put it to service. I can lay in bed in the morning hoping for a good day, but it doesn't do me much good. I can arise before my children and create something fabulous and healthy for when the awake. We can spend time learning God's word together and learning how to apply it to our lives (Really, it's me teaching my children, but I like using 'we'). If I can be disciplined to do this each day, then perhaps... It won't be a discipline for them; it will be a habit. How glorious that would be!</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>So, I guess I did have something to say afterall...</div><div><br /></div><div>Tune in tomorrow when I 'll have more of 'nothing much to write.'</div>Charlottehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04381446262467521217noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7906977568463200606.post-8410457301092093062010-01-12T16:55:00.000-05:002010-01-12T17:07:05.429-05:00I really want to do this!<div><br /></div><div><a href="http://www.skiptomylou.org/2007/02/02/crayon-shaving-hearts/">Valentine Hearts</a></div>Charlottehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04381446262467521217noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7906977568463200606.post-72887458766915643522010-01-11T20:17:00.003-05:002010-01-11T20:27:01.116-05:00DisciplineThis habit of writing (almost) daily is so good for me. I enjoy the moment to reflect, looking for blessings in my day or challenges to issue myself. It seems to make life more purposeful. I like that.<div><br /></div><div>I don't have so much to say just now. </div><div><br /></div><div>My read the Bible in 90 days challenge is coming along quite well and that pleases me. I've made it through the most difficult books and have started in on Deuteronomy. </div><div><br /></div><div>I've started a twenty one day fast with my church and thousands of others across our nation with their own churches. This is the first time I have fasted. I never really knew about fasting in the church denomination I grew up in and since losing denomination (HA! I like that phrase!), I've been nursing or pregnant and chosen not to... This should be a good challenge and I hope to draw closer to my Savior and Friend, Jesus.</div><div><br /></div><div>I had a great day: getting back to routine after some sickness and the holidays before that. Glad to be doing Bible time again with my children and hoping to begin more 'school' subjects with them too! Yet another challenge I'm issuing myself. This should get interesting!</div><div><br /></div><div>That's my five minutes for tonight. Sorry it wasn't worth much.</div>Charlottehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04381446262467521217noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7906977568463200606.post-77191829664030472272010-01-08T20:37:00.002-05:002010-01-08T20:50:19.247-05:00On your mark... get set... GO!My kids do this thing that I just love. <div><br /></div><div>We live just a few houses down from the in-laws. It's great. Often when we set out to visit or set out to come home, one or the other of the children decide to race one another. Now, one may be 5 feet - even 20 feet ahead of the other, but no matter. (S)he will say, "Stop! (and they both stop still) On your mark! Get set! Go!" And they both take off. From where they stopped. And they run for all they have in them. It doesn't matter that they started at different points. It doesn't matter that her legs are twice as long as his. It doesn't matter that she wins. every. single. time. They each run for all they have until they reach the door of the destination. Out of breath, they high five, exhilarated and full of the joy of the moment. Sometimes, we'll just be out walking for diversion and they will start and stop the race as they see fit along the way. And they'll do it all over again tomorrow.</div><div><br /></div><div>The best part? The baby brother, between his first and second birthdays, whose not really speaking much, will shout, 'Go' with them and toddle along behind. He's eager to be a part of the race and he's only just begun.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>What I really love about it is the freedom. They are not constrained to rules or fairness or whoever wins. They just love the thrill of the race. I want to run the race with as much freedom as they, not running to win, not worried about my bad start, just running to run. Isn't that the call? </div><div><br /></div><div><a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Hebrews%2012:1-3&version=MSG">Hebrews 12: 1-3 </a></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>Charlottehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04381446262467521217noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7906977568463200606.post-18179609610546439862010-01-01T08:58:00.001-05:002010-01-01T08:58:00.483-05:00New Year Resolution<a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Galatians+5:22-23&version=NIV">Galatians 5:22-23</a><div>This is my new year's resolution. to live my life by these words.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; ">But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. </span></div>Charlottehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04381446262467521217noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7906977568463200606.post-33318791717281312602009-12-30T09:01:00.003-05:002009-12-30T09:02:08.030-05:00familyWe have several out of town family members coming to town, including six boys ranging in age from 4-22! wow. It's going to be fun. So, I won't be around here for the next few days :) Happy New Year everyone!Charlottehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04381446262467521217noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7906977568463200606.post-13460480651378061572009-12-30T06:57:00.002-05:002009-12-30T08:58:11.182-05:00challengeOver at <a href="http://www.youversion.com">YouVersion</a>, they've put up 20 different Bible reading plans. From read the Bible in a year to read the Bible in 90 days to read the Psalms in 30 days or the gospels or... the list goes on... And the plans range for maturity, such as read the Old Testament in two years. You know that is some serious study! Or quicker, lighter reading for those just getting started. <div><br /></div><div>Last year, I aimed to read the Bible in a year. I've never done that. And last year wasn't the year for it either. In fact, I don't think I made it to March. I was still reading not quite daily, but I didn't manage to read the entirety of the book. </div><div><br /></div><div>Well, this new year, I've challenged myself. To read the Bible in 90 days! If I get behind this way, I'll still have 3/4 of the year to catch up! But, really I'm going to try to read it in 90 days. I totally think I can do this! </div>Charlottehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04381446262467521217noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7906977568463200606.post-2012913942404987032009-12-27T21:17:00.002-05:002009-12-27T21:42:29.700-05:00written blessings<div>About a year ago, we found our new church home. And I love it. I love the worship. It edifies. I love to serve. It edifies too, but differently. And I love the new relationships. I am a <a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2+Corinthians+5:17&version=NIV">new person</a>. Christ makes me new each day, each day that I submit my will to His spirit. Well, in these new relationships, I'm seen for who I am now, who Christ has continually transformed me to be. These new people don't see my baggage: my pain, my sin, my shame. They see who Christ has made me. </div><div><br /></div><div>Here's how I know. The leader in the elementary room, where I serve, wrote me these words in a Christmas card. It blessed me so profoundly, I have to share.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span><i>I am so amazed as I sit back and watch your gifts unfold before my eyes! Thank you for allowing the Lord to use them for His kids. you are a very special woman and I consider it a true blessing to serve with you. You have a purity and tenderness that is so unique. I can't wait to see what God has in store for you next!</i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div>I think it is so profound, because there are bits in there that I don't fully believe about myself, yet Christ has made me: pure and tender. If she can see that and Christ, who has created that in me, can see that in me, then shouldn't I see that in myself?!</div><div><br /></div><div>And, if I were to embrace this truth, what a profound impact it could have on my life!</div><div><br /></div><div>Until now, my<a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Romans+8:28&version=NIV"> life verse</a> has been from Romans. That God can take my life and the hurt and the shame in my life and he can use it for good, because I love God and He loves me. </div><div><br /></div><div>As I say goodbye to this year, 2009, I embrace that verse and I believe it fully. I believe God has healed my brokenness and that He can work it all out for good. Now, I am going to start living it. I'm focusing less on the hurt and more on the promise. </div><div><br /></div><div>My goal this new year is to live my life, <a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Galatians+5:22-23&version=NIV">submitted to the spirit</a>, embracing all that He has in store for me!</div><div><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span></div>Charlottehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04381446262467521217noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7906977568463200606.post-69922270537884524602009-12-23T14:09:00.002-05:002009-12-23T14:27:32.946-05:00Do pennies fit down the drain?Over at our <a href="http://seacoast.org/">church</a>, we are raising hope. The goal is to raise funds to purchase water systems in partnership with <a href="http://www.watermissions.org/">Water Missions International</a>. A few weeks ago, we came home with some water bottles full of 'dirty water.' I talked to the children about people in far away places who gather dirty water to drink; even to clean. We agreed to take the water challenge. Although we rarely drink anything other than water, we've been committed to water these last few weeks. And we've been mindful to give thanks for its' being clean. We replaced that dirty water in the bottles (it was actually tea) with coins, saved from beverages not purchased. And at night we prayed for the children and their families who need clean water.<div><br /></div><div>Today, I was distracted with the making of breakfast, only to turn around and see that my young son, in all his 2-ness (is that a word? I'm making it up, if it isn't. I shall use it more. I'm sure I have the stories for it!), had filled his bottle with water. All his coins were soaking in water. He made clean water dirty. Good thing there were no bills in there. Grrr... And proceeded to dump it down the sink drain. Thankfully, the coins did not escape the sink. And they are currently drying, to be bottled again and delivered at the Christmas eve celebration. If only the water crisis were this easy to fix...</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Charlottehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04381446262467521217noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7906977568463200606.post-37614133978394482762009-12-20T21:08:00.003-05:002009-12-20T21:22:48.640-05:00CHRISTmasThe birth of Jesus is the reason we celebrate Christmas, so I really want to find ways to focus our celebration on Him; to create family traditions centered around this value. We do this in many of the ways other families with similar values do (birthday cake, using a child- friendly Nativity, etc.)<div><br /></div><div>This year, I want to focus on giving. For the children's grandmothers, a special gift was made. At church, the children selected an angel from the giving tree and helped to select items for the child. We've been reading stories like the <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Peanuts-Christmas-Charles-M-Schulz/dp/0762433051/ref=pd_sim_b_4">Charlie Brown Christmas story</a>, and <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Disneys-Winnie-Pooh-Christmas-Treasury/dp/0786834005/ref=sr_1_6?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261361693&sr=8-6">Winnie-the- Pooh's Christmas story</a>. </div><div><br /></div><div>We were reading this last story tonight, in which Pooh forgets to get gifts for his friends. After some help from Christopher Robin, he selects stockings for his friends. But, he is much to exhausted to put anything into these stockings. On Christmas morning, his friends are all delighted with their gifts, which they have repurposed from stockings to other useful things. The overall message is about giving and I just love that. </div><div><br /></div><div>I love that my children can learn from their favorite literary characters that Christmas is about extending love; giving gifts. Oh sure, they are anxious to see what lies under the Christmas tree (or in our closet, as the case may be). They are eager to point to the things which they want too. Thankfully, we've only had them out in the madness a couple times!</div><div><br /></div><div>And, I love when these ideas enter their pretend play, where they make the ideas real. When they go about their play, wrapping up toys or random items w/ tissue or a t-shirt or whatever is suitable for covering and present it to one another- or me. And to point out how good it feels to give- even if it is just in play. These are the things I treasure.</div>Charlottehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04381446262467521217noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7906977568463200606.post-59584261600980321472009-12-18T22:27:00.002-05:002009-12-18T22:49:09.765-05:00Praise Him.I love my church. Being home most days with my children means on the weekends, I have to make wise choices about where we go and what we do. I want every moment to count. Church is high on my list and the grocery store with it :) I am so encouraged there and I love the worship. I live on worship. It is my daily bread... and too often through the week, I go hungry.<div><br /></div><div>Recently, I started volunteering in the elementary room. It's the age I taught when I was a teacher, an employed teacher. And it's good for me to be around these guys, a little like that daily bread bit.</div><div><br /></div><div>The point of this all is:</div><div>Tonight there was a volunteer appreciation deal going on, and I was invited! So, it rained all day, and my husband got home late... And I was still wearing my pajamas from the night before- ewe! But the week before I had been strongly encouraged to go. So, I went for it. And I am so glad I did! </div><div><br /></div><div>First, I put my kids in bed, so they wouldn't suspect anything. Then changed clothes, because- ewe! I have a little self-respect and I went. Lots of fun conversation and yummy treats... some giveaways. Which I seemed to miss out on the giveaway ticket bit, and I would have won, if I had entered a ticket, but I didn't and it's hard to win with no ticket. </div><div><br /></div><div>And then there was singing! One reason I really love being at church is the opportunity to sing. We have an awesome worship leader. The Bible says, 'Make a joyful noise'. And I let all that is in me PRAISE! And sometimes, I have a sore throat afterwards, but it is totally worth it! So, tonight, I really enjoyed the band's music and I really wanted to sing along, but I had respect for the people around me, and since noone else was singing so much, I just kept that all to myself... .</div><div><br /></div><div>But, then she invited us to sing along... And you know something?! It blesses me to sing praises to my Lord. </div><div><br /></div><div>And some days are hard. Being a mom is a hard job. IF all I'm living for are the full tummies and the happy children and the clean dishes and the clean laundry and the ___ and the ___, I am setting myself up for some serious disappointment. And I have been disappointed, in myself and my struggles with mothering.</div><div><br /></div><div>BUT, to live for something else, to live to Sing and make joyful praises to my King, my Lord, my Saviour, my God, lying in a manger and hanging on the cross, but most of all redeemed and preparing a place for me... There can be no disappointment in that. And, it fills me up and keeps me going for another day. So, when I sing, I SING. And, I don't know what it sounds like when it comes out of my mouth, but I pray that the Holy Spirit makes it pleasing to His ears. </div><div><br /></div><div>And tonight, someone noticed. And that is a little embarrassing, because I don't want to draw attention to myself, only to Him. So, maybe He can take this talent, and use it for His purpose and His kingdom. That'd be good.</div><div><br /></div><div>That's all.</div>Charlottehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04381446262467521217noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7906977568463200606.post-83416387307411241162009-12-18T07:51:00.006-05:002009-12-18T08:19:58.174-05:00Christmas Cookies<div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><br />I didn't post my thankfulness last night, because we were doing this:<div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMKF5BKN2h5_g_kZz9dxxBI9q5tTSurjZASMjruQ4hTTO-PAqEZyQLrHuvq2ICyGC8m-MISme6pJm4Ku6-RpJoZ226mYgHhWXl11ASostXvFjcM57GHSdREI0FRSvweeOVHXUUD4w-enY/s400/12-17+001.jpg" style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5416562622125707282" /><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1MAxzhExM20nLnpcReZVjDj1KhBDDFfe0SDL1qp21VouzJkO2XN-_jSVEj8fSU3gAvqTVxnzKjMjbEzM9lOQEY59pJGTbZftOUk9tBQtEWvI5tzLki6VvELcSNhX6mSRsE7BteFvib4g/s400/12-17+011.jpg" style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 400px;" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5416563029079560754" /><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdX2MvSMQXVl5vmODl2LxuX46Gj-0HTx6yfvbyWc_I7wowJThMf-HUjG5UatUYMcdmxSSXsvhyphenhyphenC6XRt4FdkxTxBDGojSaIiecBbAFsIyhed0U44-DvA0FfKZ1iL1d6uQQpNa_6V0F4p6g/s400/12-17+020.jpg" style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5416563470181399474" /><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div></div><div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div><div> And I don't have an excuse for the night before... exhaustion, perhaps?!</div><div><br /></div><div> I'm linking to <a href="http://www.blogger.com/www.foodrenegade.com">Fight Back Friday</a>. I haven't done that in a <a href="http://mama2tlc.blogspot.com/2009/05/second-verse-same-as-first.html">long time</a>... but I'd like to get back into that habit. </div><div><br /></div><div> Last night, we used the <a href="http://www.arrowheadmills.com/products/product.php?prod_id=2019&cat_id=84">Arrowhead Mills</a> cookie kit to make Christmas cookies. There were sugar cookies and little gingerbread men. I loved this kit!</div><div> The ingredients were all natural. They also didn't include any dairy or egg or nut products. I was able to substitute oil for butter and egg replacer for eggs and not worry about my boys having an allergic reaction. </div><div> I love to bake with my kids; there are many lessons to be learned throughout the process. However, I really appreciated the convenience of adding a couple ingredients and being able to get to the fun part quickly! The cookie cutters were small enough for my kids to comfortably use and be independent. And small enough that they could eat a few without having to much sugar. </div><div> You could purchase or make icing for these cookies. A recipe was included for icing. I chose to add some all natural sprinkles and a little sugar before baking, and the toppings stuck on just fine.</div><div><br /></div><div>Merry Christmas! Thanks for reading.</div><div><br /></div><div>P.S. I wasn't paid for posting about Arrowhead Farms. I just really liked this product, and my kids did too!</div></div></div></div>Charlottehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04381446262467521217noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7906977568463200606.post-89310578293621124722009-12-14T20:14:00.003-05:002009-12-14T20:21:33.047-05:00a picture is worth a thousand words.<div>But tonight, I won't be writing a thousand words.</div><div><br /></div>The mother of the young lady I am tutoring is a photographer for a local studio. She borrowed a camera a month or so ago and did some photos of my children. I have been itching to see some of the prints. Email me, why don't you?! I even asked if I could give her a disc and get them copied?! PLEASE?!!! You see, I knew they were really great photos and I was so eager to see them- and make some copies to send to grandparents for Christmas. But, wait I must. And I did.<div><br /></div><div>Until today!</div><div><br /></div><div>Because today, y'all. She gave me a gift. A most beautiful gift. She had done some editing to these precious photos and made my children look so beautiful... Really. They are beautiful, but these pictures captured it like no picture I have ever taken. And you know what she did? She had them made into a book for me! A real book. It is so beautiful, I about cried. </div><div><br /></div><div>Because some days are tough. Parenting is tough. But to see my children in this light. Beautiful photos. Well, words just can't say it. It just makes me think about them for the way God wants me to think about them- blessings. Real. Life. Blessings. </div>Charlottehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04381446262467521217noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7906977568463200606.post-44999507390511930422009-12-13T21:00:00.002-05:002009-12-13T21:11:40.958-05:00thankfulThis evening I'm so thankful for my church. We've been attending for about a year now (after leaving a church split a few years ago and looking around for just the right place), but I've really gotten involved in the past six months or so. It's so fun to build new relationships. There are a few ladies, slightly older than me who are encouraging and uplifting to be around. I am so thankful for them and their direction. <div><br /></div><div>This past weekend, the children's church hosted a special service for the families. We got to watch our preschoolers sing and dance on the stage. My little boy just stood there on the stage, mouth gaping, looking all around him, seeking out a familiar face (even though he knew the words!!!). It was so sweet! And my little girl, who normally is so careful and LOVES to dance all around, stood their stiff as a board, but still singing her heart out. And trying to clap. Poor thing, she's got my lack of rhythm. </div><div><br /></div><div>Having an active role in an environment which blesses me is an extra blessing!</div>Charlottehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04381446262467521217noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7906977568463200606.post-63397188820046726352009-12-13T06:53:00.002-05:002009-12-13T06:57:22.020-05:00assignmentI am tutoring a young lady in reading and writing. My goal is to make her a life long reader/writer because now she just isn't into it. So, I've given her an assignment and by giving it to myself too, I hope to get blogging again. Here's my assignment:<div><br /></div><div>Take 5 minutes at the day's end to write about one of these things</div><div><ul><li>Something which happened and I'm thankful for it,</li><li>Something which happened and it challenged me or made me grow in some way,</li><li>Some way in which I saw God working in my life to teach me something or to bless me,</li><li>or anything else along these lines...</li></ul><div>My assignment begins tonight! Here's hoping I don't get too repetitive or boring, but hopefully this will get me back to thinking each day! Writing is thinking.</div></div>Charlottehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04381446262467521217noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7906977568463200606.post-51931417942966605172009-11-10T20:55:00.003-05:002009-11-10T21:16:26.100-05:00You are still holy<span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:verdana, arial, helvetica;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;">I have so much on my mind these days, so much in my heart and I don't know how to express myself.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;">I understand the definition of Christianity. I understand that I am saved by grace that I may look forward to eternity with my Saviour. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;">But I want more in this life. My desire is to be full of the Spirit of the living God, so full that I pour it out in my love life for my husband and children. I believe it is a desire given to me by the One who created me and I so much want to experience it.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;">I've had it before. I know it is the outpouring of His spirit that gave me the strength to work two jobs and attend college full time. It is by His strength that I was able to achieve my goals then. It was His strength that transformed me from victim to survivor when I confronted the abuse in my childhood. And, I used to play the piano. For ten years I was classically trained. Then, I would play at church or an event and I could feel His power performing through my fingertips... How I </span>long <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;">for that feeling again!</span></div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;">These past months, I have felt so empty. I'm stuck in the brokenness of my childhood and I want out! </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;">I want to be so full of His Spirit that His love pours out of me onto my children. That they will know His love by my submission to His Spirit. I feel so empty. I just want more Jesus.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;">We sang this song in church Sunday and it made so much sense to me. I have to bring my brokeness to the foot of the cross and leave it there. It seems I have done this before, but somehow I keep going back to pick it up again. This time, let me leave it. And in exchange, let me pick up some Holy Spirit power to fuel my day to day, caring for the needs of my children.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;">And so,</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;">I hope to make a change in this blog of mine. I want to focus more on rejoicing in the moments of our lives. More focus on the little things that will bring me joy, and maybe others too.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;">The lyrics to You are still Holy:</span></div><div><br /></div>Holy, You are still holy,<br />Even when the darkness surrounds my life<br />Sovereign, You are still sovereign<br />Even when confusion has blinded my eyes<br />Lord I don't deserve Your kind affection<br />When my unbelief has kept me from Your touch<br />I want my life to be a pure reflection of Your love<br /><br />CHORUS:<br />And so I come into Your chambers<br />And I dance at Your feet Lord<br />You are my saviour, and I'm at Your mercy<br />All that has been in my life up to now<br />It belong to You<br />You are still holy<br /><br />Holy, You are still holy<br />Even though I don't understand Your ways<br />Sovereign You will be sovereign<br />Even when my circumstances don't change<br />Lord I don't deserve Your tender patience<br />When my unbelief has kept me from Your truth<br />I want my life to be a sweet devotion to You<br /><br />CHORUS:<br />And so I come into Your chambers<br />And I dance at Your feet Lord<br />You are my saviour, and I'm at Your mercy.<br />All that has been in my life up to now<br />It belongs to You<br />I belong to You<br /><br />And so I come into your chambers<br />And I dance at Your feet Lord<br />You are my saviour and I'm at your mercy<br />All that has been in my life up to now<br />It belongs to You<br />I belong to you<br /><br />You are still holy, You are still sovereign<br />You are still holy, Lord<br />You are still righteous<br />You are all knowing<br />You are still holy, You are still holy ~ Kim Hill</span></i></span>Charlottehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04381446262467521217noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7906977568463200606.post-90577854368702395162009-10-11T08:17:00.002-04:002009-10-11T08:37:10.167-04:00Further more...This life I have right now, where I'm wife to man who loves me beyond measure and mom to three amazing, beautiful, (usually) happy children, blesses me deeply. And if it took <a href="http://mama2tlc.blogspot.com/2009/08/this-just-in-im-letting-go.html">that</a> to get here, then I'd gladly suffer again.<div><br /></div><div>Further more, my suffering is NOTHING in the light of the cross. My Savior took on my burden of sin so that when He comes again, He can take me home. Surely that moment will be full of joy, and because of that, I can live in joy now.</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OcjDoMJBbu4&feature=related">My God, how GREAT you are!</a></div>Charlottehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04381446262467521217noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7906977568463200606.post-10551917797364939012009-08-08T18:52:00.006-04:002014-04-23T15:40:09.791-04:00This just in: I'm letting go...My life has been some kind of crazy ride. Events throughout my growing up years robbed me of the joy and purity of childhood. They were enough to send a sane person to the crazy ward. <div><br /></div><div>As a college girl, I searched for understanding. I read countless stories of victims and survivors. Stories of adults who had experiences similar to my own, who now suffer with multiple personalities, drug and alcohol addiction, stories of depression. I read stories of victory and empowerment, of survivors.</div><div><br /></div><div>My searching for understanding turned to joy and wonder, my mourning to laughter. How is it that the God who made me, who saw my hurt and pain, would save me from this? How is it that I could experience such deep pain and loss and yet remain with my heart and mind intact? Surely He has had a plan for me all along!</div><div><br /></div><div>And as I've grown to be a woman, a wife, a mother, I've looked at my life story and wondered why it didn't twist or turn this way or that way to have made a different life for me? Why is it that I had to experience such loss? Why couldn't my life have been better?</div><div><br /></div><div>And now I see. I see that in doing this, in asking these questions, I've made a plan for my life, a prideful plan, thinking I could have worked the details out to avoid the affliction. And in my pride, I believed that in avoiding the affliction, I would be a better person today.</div><div><br /></div><div>And now I see. God can and does work out the ugly details of our lives for the good of His kingdom. I don't know how He will use my ugliness, my brokenness, my pain and shame, my burden. But, now I see that I must release the burden.</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wANs4_-i2vk">I must let go of the life I had planned for me.</a></div><div><br /></div><div>What a great thing He has done in my heart already. That I can overcome these obstacles, by the power of His spirit, and be the mother that I am today, shows me that He is already doing a great work in me. The more I let go, the more of His spirit can be poured in and the more extraordinary my life can be.</div><div><br /></div><div>Bring it Lord! I'm letting go.</div>Charlottehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04381446262467521217noreply@blogger.com0