Men vs. Women: Fathers vs. Mothers in relationships

Between my husband and I, we have 5 sets of parents. His parents were divorced and are remarried. I bring in the other three with my adopted parents and my biological parents, who are also divorced and remarried. So, that's a lot of parents!

This weekend, I attended a women's praise and worship service at our church. A single mother of 5 was telling us her story and giving us encouragement. One thing she said that really stuck with me was this: 'Surrounding ourselves with GOOD relationships helps us to experience a truer better relationship with God'. So true. So true.

I've been noticing something interesting. I don't remember my adopted father and I having a very close relationship. I have noticed that the more I grow in relationship with my biological father, the more accepting I am of my adopted father. I don't really understand why.

On the flip side. My adopted mother seems to be more distant. And it seems the closer that I grow with my biological father, the relationship with my biological mother grows distant. Now, I just found out she's had some health concerns in the past weeks, which is what this possibly is all about. And they are likely not related at all.

However, this is what is on my heart concerning these relationships with all my parents.

I want to be equal with them all. At first I expected that all things would be the same, that the relationships would be the same. I think I haven't ever expected much from my parents- any of them- so I didn't expect to continue to expect much. Follow that?! I expected, like the majority of my relationships, that they'd be mediocre at best.

I am surprised to find myself with a strong connection, a memory of a true relationship (in my child brain), and a desire for a continued strong bond with one particular parent. I can't explain it. It's not fair to the other parents maybe? That makes me uncomfortable. I don't really want to talk about this relationship with the other parents because it makes me uncomfortable.

I wonder why they can't just rejoice with me. I have lacked true relationship most of my life (my husband- Thank GOD- is an exception). I want them to rejoice and be glad that God has put someone in my life- besides you Grandpa! :) with whom I can experience a genuine relationship, someone who teaches me about relationship with God in the way he handles relationship with me. I am SO thankful for this. I don't want to feel guilty about it! I rejoice in it!

Does that mean these other relationships must stagnant and not grow in themselves? Absolutely not! I want these other relationships to grow and be fruitful in themselves and I want them to also bring honor and glory to God. But, I don't think it is reasonable to expect 'fairness or equality' in them. At least, not according to the world's definition. Maybe 'sameness' is a better word. These relationships will not be the same or equal, because God created us all to be unique. Therefore the relationships are unique in themselves and comparing them just doesn't work.

So, I think now that I have compared and analyzed them, I'll stop. I am thankful, grateful for each relationship and the way each relationship reveals to me things about God's character. I am not more thankful for one over another. And I am especially thankful for the new found blessing of meaningful relationship.

Just to be fair...

I want to honor my parents and I don't like being negative. It's just not who I am. Sometimes the truth hurts. It hurts me, anyway. And yet, I know through it all that God has worked out the details of my life for good. And that is enough.

I love my parents, the ones who adopted me, chose me, as they so often said. Their sacrifice was not small. Adding our family of siblings (there are 3 of us) to their family of three in a few short weeks. They provided a lot for us: a great neighborhood w/ a large yard to grow in, a good school system to learn in, yearly summer vacations and trips to summer camp, a supportive family of aunts and uncles and grandparents, many many good memories. But, bad ones too. And really, what family doesn't have bad memories, skeletons which no one talks about. A friend once said, 'Talk to anyone long enough and you'll see most families are dysfunctional.'

Really?! I don't want that for my family, this family God gave me that my husband and I are striving to raise.

I think the thing that was missing from my adopted family most is a lack of relationship. There was a way of tearing down the relationships that existed between my siblings and I that was accomplished so discreetly and unnoticed that I only now see it. I feel like my parents thought they were doing a great thing by adopting us and providing for us. And they let us know it. But, I don't think they tried to get to know us. We thought differently than they, we did life differently than they. Instead of embracing us as unique persons, they wanted to conform us to their ideals.

They demonstrated their love for us by providing for us in a way that exceeded what our biological parents could provide and they thought that was enough. What we were lacking was an investment in our souls, the very people God created us to be.

I am reminded that the battle is not against my parents, but against the forces of darkness in this world. Satan would have broken relationships in this family. He worked towards it for many years. But, I think God would have it differently. Sometimes it is difficult: these relationships are work, but this is what keeps me going: Whatever my parents did, they did because they love us. They tried to do the best they knew how. I only wish they had taken the time to get to really know me.

REAL- and quite possibly long

I want to be real. And I want to be honest. And, I haven't felt like it. So, I haven't been writing.

Meeting my biological dad was one of the best things ever to happen in my life. Yet, I have been avoiding writing about this reunion.

When I was a kid, I said that bit (one of the best days) about being adopted. Everything else was compared to that day. I was a people pleaser in those days, and I wanted my new parents to be pleased with me. I wanted them to believe I liked life with them (even on the days I didn't) so that I could stay. Because I didn't want to be sent away again.

I am getting distracted. I am starting over.

It sucks. It disrupts what I believe and I am pushed on to a more accurate definition of who I am, why I am loved and how I am loved.

I believed life was rough. And I believed my life was too much work for my parents. I believed my life got in the way of their life.

I thought being saved from a rough situation saved my life from a similar story- the story of my biological parents, the story of teenage pregnancy. I believed that being second rate in my adopted home was better than the way my life could have been with single parents.

Now I am not so sure. But, I am not so sure that that matters to me anymore.

Now I know my father loves me, because I have experienced his love. I have experienced something that is impossible to describe. He loves me and now I know. He wants to bless me with good things. He makes time to connect with me. He enjoys my quirkiness, or at least seems. And for now, I am content to rest in that.

Sure, I feel uncomfortable. What does this mean for my adopted family? If God can restore these relationships with my biological family, can't he make those relationships better too?

Being connected to so many people makes me want to crawl in a hole and come out next year. It's a lot of work, but I know it's good for me.

And even this still seems sugar coated.

You know what? It really sucked when he left!

I was so depressed. WHy? I knew he needed to go back to his home, back to his work, his life. Was I scared to lose him again? Was it old loss being experienced again?

I don't really know what was going on. I was in a fog for a few weeks, lost, living moment by moment. I so much wanted to rejoice in the love I had experienced, so much wanted to rejoice in the new memories made and I didn't know how. All I felt was lost and confused. And I was ashamed that I would feel this way.

Finally, after a couple weeks, I told him. I shared my lost feelings and my confusion. And I felt better. And then, within the same day, we shared with one another, the same thoughts about all of it. The thoughts and ideas we had were based on waiting on the Lord. I had taken my hurt, my confusion, my lostness to the Lord. And he heard my cry. And my father confirmed my message from God with the same scripture God had put in my heart.

And the joy I experienced then and there is beyond description. God is good. All the time. All the time. God is good!

God loves adoption.

That title- I stole it. Over here.

The problem is, for me, that I don't love my adoption story. I wasn't orphaned or abandoned. I didn't come from an impoverished country and I wasn't collected by social services in an attempt to save my life.

The truth is I have a rather large family, a family that continues to love me over the years and the miles that seperate us. It is a family who looked for us after we were gone, especially a grandfather and an aunt who never gave up the hope of seeing me again one day.

I do love my reunion stories. They are stories which lack the words neccessary to really describe the emotion. You can read them here and here. And there's another one coming soon!

Having said all that, there's one adoption that has changed my life. That is my adoption into the family of Christ. God DOES love adoption. He did after all, choose to adopt us. It is this adoption that is the dancing that followed the weeping, the joy that came in the morning. As lovely has the reunions have been with members of my original family, I can't help but wonder what that reunion will be like.

Surely words will not describe the joy we will experience when Christ comes for us.

Reunion- the original

About 10 years ago, my parents (those who adopted me and my siblings) sat me down with some big news. To say I was shocked is an understatement.


I thought I had been left behind, unwanted. The news was devastating to that belief, and it took me awhile to see how I had been impacted by the false belief about myself and my family. The more I learn about myself, the more I am able to accept God's love and see myself as He sees me. I believe my post-high school journey would have been more difficult, were it not for the love of these people who were about to enter my life.


The news was from my Aunt Nene, a step-sister to my biological mother. She was offering a different perspective to my adoption story.


Here's the perspective I grew up with:
Our mother, a single mother, struggling to support, realizing she couldn't do it on her own, sought help from a private adoption agency meets older couple with one teenage son, struggling with infertility, desiring more children. Match made in heaven, right?


Aunt Nene ( I was seven when I was adopted and remembered her well) alternative version: Mother had been struggling. Grandpa had just helped her move into an apartment and get settled. One day, Aunt Nene's mom delivers cookies to an empty apartment. Family struggles to find us for weeks. Grandpa hires PI, takes new parents to court to gain custody of us. Court awards custody to new parents. Finally, she says she has waited 10 years to see me again and asks them to talk to me about it.

Shocked by this new perspective, I quickly embrace my new old family. Soon after reuniting with Aunt Nene, I meet uncles and their families and Grandpa and Grandma and cousins!

It was a beautiful day in the park where we picnicked. I remember how my uncle just stared at me throughout the entire initial meeting, while I talked about myself and what I was doing and what I had been doing the past 10 years. You know, general small talk stuff!

Grandpa and I formed a bond founded on the shared love of Christ. We all did really, but it was this relationship that began to transform the way I viewed myself. It was this relationship that brought me through some of the toughest years I have experienced. I do love my Grandpa.

I went to see my Aunt Nene as much as I possibly good while working my way through college. Now I live too far away to drive up for the weekend, and that makes me sad. But our bond is tight and it transcends the miles and the times. Whether we talked last week or last month, we understand and love one another and it is a really good thing. I love her.

Now, it's been more than 10 years since that reunion. I am continually encouraged by this family of faith. I see that God brought them right into my life at a time when I needed. I see that God worked out all the details, because He loves me and because I love Him.

Come back for more bits of the story!

My reunion

The first parent reunion took place over Easter weekend. It was the second reuion with the biological family, but that is another post. So, be sure to come back for that! And coming soon... another reunion!

I was adopted when I was seven. Prior to that, I lived with my biological parents. Those years are another post or posts.

Around Christmas last year, our biological mother contacted my sister and I. Shortly after that she contacted our brother too. We began a series of phone conversations and emailing to get to know one another, to work out the questions, the conflicts, the fears and anxieties.

Because my brother will be living abroad for a few years, and because we are all spread across this great nation, we wanted to get together before he left. It worked out that we would meet her at that time. Our grandfather (her father) has been a part of my life for the past 10 years (that's another post, remember?), so we invited him to come along too. He was like a security blanket for me, and I think for her too.

I have put this post off for awhile, because I really struggle with the words to work out what transpired. There's the facts (We had 6 adults and 4 children in a 1000 sq foot home for 3 days) and there's the emotions (I just wanted one more hug).

But how do I tell about meeting the woman who brought me into the world, the woman who walked away from me and left me vulnerable to strangers? How do I share my wedding photos with the one who I wished had been there while I tried on wedding gowns? How do I welcome her as a guest, when she could have been there to help me settle into a new life with my newly wed? How do I enjoy the moments that are fleeting when I have all these thoughts haunting my heart?

I lean on the one who loves me, who gave His life that I might have this one. I lean on Him, because even though I think I could have worked it out better, He can work it out to be better.
For I know I love God, and He will work out the details of my life, according to His purposes.

And it helps to have Grandpa.

The Locator Episode 1

I just watched the first episode of Season 2 on my DVR.

And let me just say. Sometimes I am sad over my childhood experiences. My whole world was rocked the summer I was seven. I was removed from the people who loved and cherished me and given a brand new family. They did their best to care for me and give me the things I needed. But they just didn't 'get' me. And they didn't try. So, I complain. And after seeing this, I see I have so much to be greatful for.

The first part of the episode, a young woman, near to my age is seeking her mother. She also had been adopted as an older child, along with a sibling, in the late 80's. Troy finds the mother, and after quite a bit of work too. The mother wants nothing to do with her children, and it is just so sad.

I am so thankful that my parents want to know me, that they care about who I've become, that they still love me. Wow. I am blessed.

The second part is a group of sisters. They had been split up in foster care after their mother could not care for them any longer. The four sisters are looking for a fifth sister, and Troy finds them and it is wonderful.

As dificult as it was for my siblings and I, it was so good for us to be able to continue growing up together. Though we went through some rocky times and our relationships crumbled, God is putting us back together. He is setting us up on a new foundation, one that is Jesus Christ, so that we can forever be bonded together in His love. It doesn't get any better than that.

We are spread out by many miles now, but we all can be together again for one weekend this Easter. And that is so good.

The Locator

Way back when I first started this here blog, I wrote this post about The Locator, aka Troy Dunn.

You see, in the beginning this was just to be a regular mommy blog. But somewhere along the way, it changed. I changed. God changed my world.

God has been using my husband to convince me that it is time to allow my biological parents a part of my life. (They had divorced when I was young and allowed my siblings and I to be adopted when I was 7).

Then he got me watching this new show, which is now in it's second season, called The Locator with Troy Dunn. In this show, Troy, a private investigator, takes on an 'angel case.' He selects someone seeking someone and the reunion is the show, basically.

Not yet really dealing with my emotions and just keeping them shoved in the back corner of my heart, I start watching. And God starts pulling on my heart strings, calling me to His will and His desire.

So that, I've started the process of getting to know my parents. Crazy. Exciting. Sometimes overwhelming. Amazingly good for me.

Now, in just a couple weeks, my mother will be arriving to meet my siblings and I, all grown up. I may need some chocolate.

P.S. Thanks Troy

It's going deep today

The sermon at church this week brought my attention to a closet in my heart. The Pastor referenced an episode of Friends, in which Monica has a hidden closet. She appears to be neat and orderly, but the contents of the closet reveal the messy secret she is hiding. It's pretty humorous and you can see it here.

So it got me to thinking about a closet in my own heart. The past few months have been emotional for me. It's tough work getting to know the people who brought me into the world. The people who cradled and loved me, the people who left me. It's tough because I have to look at myself differently and I have to be honest with myself. But, that's another post...

I realized I have gone through my life so far, pridefully thinking that I am better than them, and thinking I am going to make better choices and do better things, but mostly, thinking that I will never leave my children and thinking that makes me a better person. That is what I have been storing in my closet.

The truth is it's just not about that. The truth is God doesn't keep an account of our mistakes. He doesn't give me a grade for my performance. He loves them as he loves his own son, Jesus. And he loves me as he loves his own son, Jesus too.

Because I've allowed myself to be prideful, I've allowed myself to believe that I don't need them. And God wants me to really see them and know them. The truth is, they know me. The truth is that I was knit together in my mother's womb. The truth is I was a Daddy's little girl. The truth is that I do need them, that my life can be better by having them in my life. And, I think I am finally okay with that.

*Updated* You can see that sermon here: http://seacoast.org/seriesHome.asp?pageID=38 It's called What's in your closet?

Why now?!

It's taken me awhile to put this post together. I was sick a few weeks ago, and I think my brain is still recovering!

So, I keep asking myself, why now? I am nearly 30, well not this year, but I am looking at it soon enough :) Why has it taken me so long to accept my biological parents back into my life? This is especially interesting to me because as a senior in high school, I was reuniting with members of my biological family, just not the parents.

So, why now?

I learned something last year from the Almighty and it has changed my course. Plus, I have a husband who has been wanting to see this reconnection. For some reason, he thought it'd be good for me. AND, He's ALWAYS right.

This is what I learned- in a nutshell. Before creation, Satan separated himself from God. Satan deceived Eve, and in the deception, in the original sin, Eve ( and Adam, knowingly) separated the entire human race from God. See, God and man walked together in the garden, but you know the story, they were cast out as punishment. The connection was severed, human beings were no longer one with their maker. When Jesus comes again, (Hallelujah! I anticipate that day!) there will no longer be that separation! Jesus will not only reunite us with God the Father, but also with all the children of God. We will no longer be separated by the walls we put up.

So, I got to thinking. It's Satan's desire to separate me from the ones I love and the ones who love me. And, if my earthly parents do love me, then I am giving Satan the power in these relationships, by allowing the separation to continue. But, God desires us to be connected with one another. And, I have the power to bring about the reconnection! So that is why now. I wanted to see God work in these relationships. And I am so thankful that I have!

Covenants

I am participating in a carnival today at Rocks In My Dryer. Head over there to check out more great tips.


If you have found me via Shannon, thank you for taking the time to visit me. I am telling the story about renewing old relationships.

In the Bible, Heavenly Father gives us many examples of covenants.

I have found it to be very helpful to set up similar covenant agreements. These people love me quite a bit more than I ever realized. It's been an emotional roller coaster so far for me to accept that. To set up boundaries and have a covenant type agreement has allowed me to find an appropriate level of attachment.

So, I thought about what I expect and I talked to earthly father. And we talked about these things, and that has helped me to become a little attached. That has really worked for our new relationship, and I look forward to doing the same with earthly mother.

commitment

This is so much tougher than I thought it would be. I love them, I really do. I am from them. I thought these relationships would be casual, easy, non committal.

The very nature of reconnecting with my biological parents is soul searching. It asks probing questions. I was 7 years old! I have memories that need to be validated and shared. I have feelings for these people that have gone unreciprocated, unacknowledged and unknown by them for 20 years. In the process, I become attached. This frightens me deeply.

The more attached I become to my father, the more I desire some form of commitment. I don't want him to leave me again. Desperately trying not to put him on a pedestal. He's a good wise man; he's kind, gentle, loving, generous. Yet, he did leave me 20 years ago. The more I talk to him, the more I like him. I see similarities. I feel appreciated. Will he tire of me? Will I annoy him? In tears, I told him, he cannot leave me again.

He reminded me our heavenly father is in charge. Heavenly Father makes the calls. Heavenly Father brings us in and out of relationships. But, my earthly father wants to know me more, wants to be part of my life. And that satisfies, edifies, and encourages me.

Yet, I have to remind myself: Jesus is more than enough. Jesus satisfies my soul. Jesus edifies and encourages, and it is Jesus who is sufficient for me.

I am thankful for these new relationships, but I am desperately clinging to a healthy perspective, keeping my eyes on Him, my redeemer, my savior, my everything.

mother/daughter, father/ daughter relationship

Why is it that I feel so connected to him. And not to her? It is so dificult to get past this junk that clutters a relationship... Old feelings of abandonment being brought back to life. Why can't they stay buried?

What is forgiveness? Old hurts don't go away. They are never forgotten. Your GLORY come Lord. I treasure that day in GLORY when all of this will be burned away. Until then, how do hurts and forgiveness work together? I can only hope for that day to come and wipe away my tears. The hurts won't go away until that day. Forgiveness may be extended... Relationships can be restored... but still the ache lingers...

I bring you my broken pieces Lord, trusting you to put it back together again.

my hats

This morning I have an email from my dearly beloved Grandpa. This is what he says,

You must get pretty tired with all the hats you are wearing lately! Wife, mother, family counselor, bible study coordinator and I’m sure there are more that I don’t know about. But I believe God has prepared you for such a time as this and I believe He is using you in a might way because He knows your heart and He sees your obedience. Because I believe this I am going to share with you some things that are very delicate and sensitive, but I believe that He will use you to heal them and to bring the kind of reconciliation that only He can bring.

I very much appreciate his encouragement and I covet his prayers. He sees through me and lifts me up. I love my Grandpa.

It's true, I am busy these days. I desperately want to get it all down. I am afraid in the midst of it, I will forget these treasures. Beginning soon, I am leading my brother and sister on a journey through the Search for Significance. It was recommended to me years ago, and changed my life.

I am learning how to be a daughter and accept the love which my father gives- literally. God my father has so much in store for this year in restoring relationships and I am beyond anxious to see it come to fruition. Relationships with my siblings will be restored. Relationship with my biological parents will be restored. They love me, and I never really knew it. And possibly, relationship with my adoptive parents to be restored- something real and genuine, more than, 'how's the weather?' and disappointment. They love and don't express it for me.

How can I do all this and be a mother too? I have no idea. My patience is running thin. I am tired and weak. But it is when I am weak, that He will make me strong. And I anticipate that.

Lord, help me to wear these hats, no wear them for me. That these people whom I love will see only see your glory, will see your kingdom come in my heart. Fill me up with your Spirit that I may complete these tasks at hand and those around me will grow closer to you. In Jesus name.

I had a wonderful Christmas week. For the first time in over 20 years, I talked to the two people who brought me into this world. Each coversation lasted 1 1/2 hour, plus. Wow... and it seemed as if it wasn't even 20 minutes. And where does the conversation end? There's so much to say- a lifetime of news to share, feelings to relate, wounds to heal, future hopes to share. HOw does that get accomplished in a brief phone coversation?

It doesn't, which is why I am hopeful for a future. I am hopeful that we will continue to share, to grow, to bond as we never had before. My father told me he missed me much more than he realized. And my mother just couldn't bring herself to say goodbye.

This is really stretching my definition of mother and father. There is so much that I just don't know anymore.

God has much in store for us, and I am looking forward to seeing these relationships come to fruition. I never thought I'd be here, but I am glad I decided to come.

more of the same

So after she contacted me, I decided to bite the bullet.. face my fears of rejection and contact my father too.

My dad- the one who adopted me- loves me. I know he does. But I didn't know so much in my growing up years. He provided very well for us. He did sweet things, like buying us chocolate on Valentine's Day and taking us on wonderful vacations. He really did the best he could, but he just didn't understand what made our little hearts and minds tick.

And I really remember a lot about my pre adoption life. I was 7 years old. I do remember being a daddy's girl. But I didn't remember it, until I got a letter from him. It wasn't so much what he said, but what he seemed to understand and how I just felt better reading his words. It just made me bawl like a little girl. It made me miss him so much in my growing up years when kids were mean and I had no self worth to stand up for myself. It made me miss him when I brought home silly boys whom I should not have been dating. It made me miss him on my graduation day and my wedding day. I missed him in all parts of my life when I read his words- but I didn't miss him on those actual days. I wasn't aware of it until that moment when I read his words, when I read that he delighted in me and was thrilled that I would reach out to him. And that reminds me a little about my heavenly father.

Even when we aren't looking for him, He is longing for a relationship with us. He delights in us and he wants us to reach out to him.

It continues... part 5 or 6- oh bother!

Facebook is cool. I enjoy reestablishing old connections- however superficial they may be. It's nice to be able to post pictures of my dear children for my favorite people to see, and to have those people make sweet comments about them.

I never imagined I would reconnect with the very people who left me 20 + years ago to be raised by strangers. I have in the past 10 years reconnected with biological grandparents, aunts and uncles. It has been great- but that's another post- and puts me out of order- oh well. I made it clear to them I was not interested in relationships with my biological parents- and they respected and protected my privacy.

My biological mother found me on Facebook. And you know what? It's okay. A big shock to me, but I am okay. I took a few days- a week- to figure out what I was going to do, and then I did it. I don't know where this is going, but I am interested and willing to see.

She thinks she did the best thing for us. I think God works out everything for the good of those who love Him and are all called according to his purpose. I have claimed this as my life verse. God has worked out everything for me for my own good. But I don't think it had to be this way. I suffered many years without the people who genuinely loved me most. I had to tell her that. It took a long message. She had to know that I am not who I am because she gave me away to some nice people- but I am who I am because I have submitted my spirit to the Spirit of the Most High God. I am who I am because he has healed me of my hurt. I wanted her to know because she is still hurting- I can tell in her words. I want to give her hope for her future that He is BIG ENOUGH!

My sister has been in contact with our biological father. I forwarded him the email. It was the first time I had emailed him. He was surprised. He was encouraging. He was loving. Through his words, I remembered what it felt like to be daddy's girl. I didn't know I had missed that feeling- but there it was. Did I mention he loves Jesus too? And he just puts it out there so easily.

My gaurd is up. My grandpa told me, so wonderfully, I pray you will guard your heart, it is Holy ground! The Spirit of the Living God dwells there! Wow Grandpa! Thank you.
My heart is precious.. and my heart has a big job to do in loving my four precious gifts and I need to protect it. But I am hopeful for restoration and healing. Psalm 30:5 Weeping endures for the night, but joy comes in the morning! And I have joy ... but in this part of my life- Bring on the morning Lord! I am excited about the possibilities...excited, but cautious.

Adoption story continued

We went to a counselor a few times and the adoption was finalized. We grew up in a new, not quite so podunk town in the midwest. We did normal kid things and had normal sibling rivalry. When I look at what RAD is, I wonder would we have been diagnosed?

My brother lied excessively. I was excessively compliant. I told my brother and sister, 'We call these people Mom and Dad now', only days after moving in. I feared being given away again and if affected everything. I really didn't want to mess up. My sister became a teenage mother and has spent large parts of her daughter's life living away from her. She is now coming around, but what damage has been done in this little girl's life? What about my biological mother, did she suffer from RAD when her mother left her at a tender age and how far back does this all go? Where will it end?

Adoption story continued

One day she says to me, 'Would you like to be adopted?' And I remember saying, 'sure, Mom.' Crazy huh? So that settled it. We stayed with the new parents one weekend and then soon after we moved in with them. What I still find absolutely amazing is how one couple would decide to take in all three of us. Now, I read many blogs and I know many families from my days in teaching where some families have done similar things, and I think it no less amazing. It is an indescribable gift to give siblings to allow them to grow up together when their biological parents can do it. Thank you for what you do every day to my parents (you know, the ones who adopted me) and to you who are reading.

Now, the thought of never seeing her again didn't really occur to me. After I was adopted, I never asked my parents about her. My brother and I would tell my sister stories about our aunt and uncles and our grandparents. We missed those people, but I don't remember sharing stories about the very people who brought us into this world.

Adoption story

They were married over the winter in my great grandparents living room and I was born in the spring. The next summer my brother was born. Then a couple years later, my sister was born. This is where my memories begin. I have few memories of my mother and father. Mostly the memories are with other family. At some point after my sister was born, they divorced. Maybe it was simply because they were sooo young. I don't really know, but I do still blame myself. There is no logical reason for this and in my brain I know that I have no blame, but it's there. I remember she worked a lot and it must have been hard. 20 years old, single mom to three kids! Some days are hard for me, and I have a wonderfully supportive husband, am nearly 10 years older and have a college education. It must have been hopeless for her. And while I know that, I still question it and it still makes me sad.