Just to be fair...

I want to honor my parents and I don't like being negative. It's just not who I am. Sometimes the truth hurts. It hurts me, anyway. And yet, I know through it all that God has worked out the details of my life for good. And that is enough.

I love my parents, the ones who adopted me, chose me, as they so often said. Their sacrifice was not small. Adding our family of siblings (there are 3 of us) to their family of three in a few short weeks. They provided a lot for us: a great neighborhood w/ a large yard to grow in, a good school system to learn in, yearly summer vacations and trips to summer camp, a supportive family of aunts and uncles and grandparents, many many good memories. But, bad ones too. And really, what family doesn't have bad memories, skeletons which no one talks about. A friend once said, 'Talk to anyone long enough and you'll see most families are dysfunctional.'

Really?! I don't want that for my family, this family God gave me that my husband and I are striving to raise.

I think the thing that was missing from my adopted family most is a lack of relationship. There was a way of tearing down the relationships that existed between my siblings and I that was accomplished so discreetly and unnoticed that I only now see it. I feel like my parents thought they were doing a great thing by adopting us and providing for us. And they let us know it. But, I don't think they tried to get to know us. We thought differently than they, we did life differently than they. Instead of embracing us as unique persons, they wanted to conform us to their ideals.

They demonstrated their love for us by providing for us in a way that exceeded what our biological parents could provide and they thought that was enough. What we were lacking was an investment in our souls, the very people God created us to be.

I am reminded that the battle is not against my parents, but against the forces of darkness in this world. Satan would have broken relationships in this family. He worked towards it for many years. But, I think God would have it differently. Sometimes it is difficult: these relationships are work, but this is what keeps me going: Whatever my parents did, they did because they love us. They tried to do the best they knew how. I only wish they had taken the time to get to really know me.