There is tremendous blessing that comes with being in the presence of people who love Jesus and are actively seeking His will for their lives. I have been in a season of busy-news. More effort is being poured out in the tasks that need to be accomplished, in the day to business that has to happen. Between working in full time ministry to homeschooling and trying to have a relationship with my husband, my lack of priority in my relationship with my savior has pushed me to the breaking point. In God's abundant grace, He has seen fit to bring me back to his resting place, to rest in His presence and hear His calling on my life. I am so thankful for the beautiful people in my life who will speak that truth in my life. I'm so thankful for the leadership in my church family who love me and guide me and grow me mor and more towards the person God has created me to be. I'm thankful for the relationship which guides me toward Christ and Christ-likeness. Because I am greatly loved and treasured on this earth and in this time, I am more and more able to experience the love and mission that God has for as I lead my children and as I lead leaders. There really are no words for the gratitude that overflows and overwhelms my soul for the people in my life who reflect Christ to me that I might be used in multiplying that love to others. I'm expectantly hoping for more and more of His greatness and goodness to be evident in my life.
It's time for something new. A new perspective. A new way of looking at things. I haven't written in quite a long while. It needs to be done. There are words calling out of my heart and mind that need to be sorted out. Writing has always been therapy for me and when I wrote here before, there were words and emotions, hurts and hopes to express. Now, there still is a need for expression and sometimes a need for therapy, but it comes from a different perspective. When I wrote before I was searching for answers, conflicted and torn, heart broken and confused. There were moments and times of hope and peace, but they were found in the process. Now it seems that the perspective starts from a place of hope and peace. It's a new way to live. To find myself in a place where I live fully in the joy and hope and peace of the Lord is only to His glory. Sure, there are days and moments when I forget my peace, lose my joy, but now they are the exception. The Lord has worked out a good thing in my heart and mind and soul and I know that because He is faithful, He will continue to work out all things in my life for good- for His glory and purpose. I am excited about writing here again, growing here again, bearing my soul and finding hope and love and peace in the process!
Mama! Look! Look Mama! What child? What is it, I ask, only half interested. What is it? She stands there pointing above me, beyond me, speechless. We stand there, she and I. I on the back steps facing the yard, her body facing me, yet her eyes lifted up, fixed on whatever has captured her attention. Mama! Just look! (Still pointing) Please dear, could you just use your words? Tell me what you want me to see. Mama. Look! (still pointing). Sadly this continues awhile longer until I relent, coming down from the steps to fix my attention on that which she delights. I join her in the yard and as I turn and lift my eyes, I see that which has left my girl speechless. The clouds are parted just so and the sunlight pours out from the clouds in fantastic rays- more beautiful than words I have to describe the splendor of it all. I stand there and weep and thank my Father for the strength to get over myself long enough to take in this moment in time with her. I ask her what it all makes her think and her response is simply "heaven". Her heart and mind have been set on heaven since she has been old enough to communicate it. She'll be baptized soon and she is so excited. I cant help but know she's been waiting her whole life for this- for a glimpse of heaven.
Again tonight I find myself without much to write.....
The reason I titled yesterday's post, discipline, is that I know writing is a discipline and I want add discipline in my life. That I want to write daily for the purpose of writing and thinking and using my brain.
Which reminds me, at church, we are teaching the children that discipline is doing what you need to now so that you can grow stronger. Well, I want to be a stronger writer. So, I need to write more. I want to be a stronger thinker, so I need to think more. And writing and thinking. They go together. I may be on to something!
Even on the days when I don't feel like I have much to write, I really do. Which is why I need to discipline myself to do it.
I want my faith to be stronger. I want my faith to have action. I can't simply sit around and hope for that to happen. I must DO something. I must have discipline to think out my faith and put it to service. I can lay in bed in the morning hoping for a good day, but it doesn't do me much good. I can arise before my children and create something fabulous and healthy for when the awake. We can spend time learning God's word together and learning how to apply it to our lives (Really, it's me teaching my children, but I like using 'we'). If I can be disciplined to do this each day, then perhaps... It won't be a discipline for them; it will be a habit. How glorious that would be!
So, I guess I did have something to say afterall...
Tune in tomorrow when I 'll have more of 'nothing much to write.'
This habit of writing (almost) daily is so good for me. I enjoy the moment to reflect, looking for blessings in my day or challenges to issue myself. It seems to make life more purposeful. I like that.
I don't have so much to say just now.
My read the Bible in 90 days challenge is coming along quite well and that pleases me. I've made it through the most difficult books and have started in on Deuteronomy.
I've started a twenty one day fast with my church and thousands of others across our nation with their own churches. This is the first time I have fasted. I never really knew about fasting in the church denomination I grew up in and since losing denomination (HA! I like that phrase!), I've been nursing or pregnant and chosen not to... This should be a good challenge and I hope to draw closer to my Savior and Friend, Jesus.
I had a great day: getting back to routine after some sickness and the holidays before that. Glad to be doing Bible time again with my children and hoping to begin more 'school' subjects with them too! Yet another challenge I'm issuing myself. This should get interesting!
That's my five minutes for tonight. Sorry it wasn't worth much.
My kids do this thing that I just love.
We live just a few houses down from the in-laws. It's great. Often when we set out to visit or set out to come home, one or the other of the children decide to race one another. Now, one may be 5 feet - even 20 feet ahead of the other, but no matter. (S)he will say, "Stop! (and they both stop still) On your mark! Get set! Go!" And they both take off. From where they stopped. And they run for all they have in them. It doesn't matter that they started at different points. It doesn't matter that her legs are twice as long as his. It doesn't matter that she wins. every. single. time. They each run for all they have until they reach the door of the destination. Out of breath, they high five, exhilarated and full of the joy of the moment. Sometimes, we'll just be out walking for diversion and they will start and stop the race as they see fit along the way. And they'll do it all over again tomorrow.
The best part? The baby brother, between his first and second birthdays, whose not really speaking much, will shout, 'Go' with them and toddle along behind. He's eager to be a part of the race and he's only just begun.
What I really love about it is the freedom. They are not constrained to rules or fairness or whoever wins. They just love the thrill of the race. I want to run the race with as much freedom as they, not running to win, not worried about my bad start, just running to run. Isn't that the call?