It doesn't, which is why I am hopeful for a future. I am hopeful that we will continue to share, to grow, to bond as we never had before. My father told me he missed me much more than he realized. And my mother just couldn't bring herself to say goodbye.
This is really stretching my definition of mother and father. There is so much that I just don't know anymore.
God has much in store for us, and I am looking forward to seeing these relationships come to fruition. I never thought I'd be here, but I am glad I decided to come.
I've written a lot about my adoption story. My hope is that it will be a help to someone. I have reconnected with both biological parents. They divorced when I was about 5, and I was adopted at 7. The folks who adopted us, I call my parents. They love us; they did the best they could for us. They, like many parents, didn't have a clue at the extent of our baggage. It also tended to be a negative environment.
And now, we are coming together again. This will be interesting.
My dad- the one who adopted me- loves me. I know he does. But I didn't know so much in my growing up years. He provided very well for us. He did sweet things, like buying us chocolate on Valentine's Day and taking us on wonderful vacations. He really did the best he could, but he just didn't understand what made our little hearts and minds tick.
And I really remember a lot about my pre adoption life. I was 7 years old. I do remember being a daddy's girl. But I didn't remember it, until I got a letter from him. It wasn't so much what he said, but what he seemed to understand and how I just felt better reading his words. It just made me bawl like a little girl. It made me miss him so much in my growing up years when kids were mean and I had no self worth to stand up for myself. It made me miss him when I brought home silly boys whom I should not have been dating. It made me miss him on my graduation day and my wedding day. I missed him in all parts of my life when I read his words- but I didn't miss him on those actual days. I wasn't aware of it until that moment when I read his words, when I read that he delighted in me and was thrilled that I would reach out to him. And that reminds me a little about my heavenly father.
Even when we aren't looking for him, He is longing for a relationship with us. He delights in us and he wants us to reach out to him.
I never imagined I would reconnect with the very people who left me 20 + years ago to be raised by strangers. I have in the past 10 years reconnected with biological grandparents, aunts and uncles. It has been great- but that's another post- and puts me out of order- oh well. I made it clear to them I was not interested in relationships with my biological parents- and they respected and protected my privacy.
My biological mother found me on Facebook. And you know what? It's okay. A big shock to me, but I am okay. I took a few days- a week- to figure out what I was going to do, and then I did it. I don't know where this is going, but I am interested and willing to see.
She thinks she did the best thing for us. I think God works out everything for the good of those who love Him and are all called according to his purpose. I have claimed this as my life verse. God has worked out everything for me for my own good. But I don't think it had to be this way. I suffered many years without the people who genuinely loved me most. I had to tell her that. It took a long message. She had to know that I am not who I am because she gave me away to some nice people- but I am who I am because I have submitted my spirit to the Spirit of the Most High God. I am who I am because he has healed me of my hurt. I wanted her to know because she is still hurting- I can tell in her words. I want to give her hope for her future that He is BIG ENOUGH!
My sister has been in contact with our biological father. I forwarded him the email. It was the first time I had emailed him. He was surprised. He was encouraging. He was loving. Through his words, I remembered what it felt like to be daddy's girl. I didn't know I had missed that feeling- but there it was. Did I mention he loves Jesus too? And he just puts it out there so easily.
My gaurd is up. My grandpa told me, so wonderfully, I pray you will guard your heart, it is Holy ground! The Spirit of the Living God dwells there! Wow Grandpa! Thank you.
My heart is precious.. and my heart has a big job to do in loving my four precious gifts and I need to protect it. But I am hopeful for restoration and healing. Psalm 30:5 Weeping endures for the night, but joy comes in the morning! And I have joy ... but in this part of my life- Bring on the morning Lord! I am excited about the possibilities...excited, but cautious.
I heart etsy. When I find myself staying up way past my bedtime, I like to look around. Here are some of my favorite toys that are selling. I have no connection to these people. I just like the things they are selling.
Thanks for visiting me! Come back next week, when I will post about an alternative to gift giving!
When we were children, my father had a LOUD rumbly truck. We could here him three blocks away it was so loud. Nearly every day when we heard that sound that told us he was coming, we'd quickly ride our bikes to the end of the block and wait for him while he continued the first two blocks. By now we could see him coming and we would race him home. He'd kick the motor to neutral (he had a downhill drive the rest of the way) and it would roar. He'd coast home while we sped as fast as our feet would take us. The bikes would be thrown into the yard and we all had hugs for him. We love our Dad.
My brother lied excessively. I was excessively compliant. I told my brother and sister, 'We call these people Mom and Dad now', only days after moving in. I feared being given away again and if affected everything. I really didn't want to mess up. My sister became a teenage mother and has spent large parts of her daughter's life living away from her. She is now coming around, but what damage has been done in this little girl's life? What about my biological mother, did she suffer from RAD when her mother left her at a tender age and how far back does this all go? Where will it end?
A big thank you to Megan for my one year subscription to God's World magazine! I really loved this subscription when I was teaching school, and now I am looking forward to sharing it with my daughter.
Now, the thought of never seeing her again didn't really occur to me. After I was adopted, I never asked my parents about her. My brother and I would tell my sister stories about our aunt and uncles and our grandparents. We missed those people, but I don't remember sharing stories about the very people who brought us into this world.
So, T2 has taken an interest in the potty. Now, I really am not ready to potty train him- so I won't. But, I don't see the harm in encouraging him when he gives me signs that he wants to use the potty. Right? Well, today he pulled a T1- in that once in his crib, he removed his diaper and smeared poop all. over. his. crib.
What is a mother to do? Any ideas? Please?
I think I'll post more about my family's circumstances- without going into too much detail. I wonder if what I have experienced can be helpful to other people and I wonder how I can go about actually helping... Any ideas?
Is this for real?
Is this a good idea?
Does it really work?
How much of my time should I devote to teaching my children - who are under the age of 5- to read?
I'd like to have 'school time' for my oldest each day, but the truth is, it only happens a couple days a week. I'd like to have more structure in my day, with a Bible time for everyone with a lesson, and some verse memorization going on... and I am working on getting that going. But I really wonder about this reading thing.
My oldest just learned to say the alphabet this year and is recognizing about 1/2 the letters. I think I need to work on that some more before I tackle reading. I did put together some phonics activities/games to work on with her. I do read to all my children everyday.
I think I 'll keep doing what I am doing and not push them into reading- it just doesn't sound good to me. Maybe it's kinda like diapers and potty training... When they are ready, they are ready- right?! Anything before that is just frustrating!
Here it is:
God is good.
1 Chronicles 16:34
Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever.
To God belong wisdom and power; counsel and understanding are his.
For you are great and do marvelous deeds; you alone are God.
Oh Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth!
1 John 4:16
God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God and God in him.
God made the earth by his power; he founded the world by his wisdom and stretched out the heavens by his understanding.
1 Samuel 2:2
There i no one holy like the Lord; there is no one besides you; there is no Rock like our God.
1 Corinthians 13:4
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
I the Lord do not change.
The lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion.
O Lord God Almighty, who is like you? You are mighty, O Lodr, and your faithfulness surrounds you.
The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands.
He is the Rock, his works are perfect, and all his ways are just. A faithful God who does no wrong, upright and just is he.
2 Corinthians 9:8
God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all theings at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.
O Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth!
Now we can see that you know all things and that you do not even need to have anyone ask you questions. This makes us believe that you came from God.
By wisdom the LORD laid the earth's foundations, by understanding he set the heavens in place;
by his knowledge the deeps were divided, and the clouds let drop the dew.
But the LORD is the true God; he is the living God, the eternal King.
Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
1 Thessalonians 5:23
May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Know therefore that the LORD your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commands.
All this also comes from the LORD Almighty, wonderful in counsel and magnificent in wisdom.
I call to the LORD, who is worthy of praise, and I am saved from my enemies.
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
This is what the LORD says— Israel's King and Redeemer, the LORD Almighty: I am the first and I am the last; apart from me there is no God.
Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The LORD, the LORD, is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation."
Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.
Lifter of my head
But you are a shield around me, O LORD; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head.
2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
The LORD lives! Praise be to my Rock! Exalted be God my Savior!
For you have been my hope, O Sovereign LORD, my confidence since my youth.
Son of God
The angel answered, "The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called the Son of God.
Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die.
In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.
Light of the World
When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."
Lord of Lords
For the LORD your God is God of gods and Lord of lords, the great God, mighty and awesome, who shows no partiality and accepts no bribes.
King of Kings
They will make war against the Lamb, but the Lamb will overcome them because he is Lord of lords and King of kings—and with him will be his called, chosen and faithful followers."
Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.
For the LORD your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God.
He restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake
If you love me, you will obey what I command.
Stronghold in a time of trouble
The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him.
My people have been lost sheep; their shepherds have led them astray and caused them to roam on the mountains. They wandered over mountain and hill and forgot their own resting place.
1 Peter 1:7
These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.
Yet I am poor and needy; come quickly to me, O God. You are my help and my deliverer; O LORD, do not delay.
Refuge from the Storm
2 Samuel 22:3
my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn [a] of my salvation. He is my stronghold, my refuge and my savior.
I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."
Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.
Bread of life
Then Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty.
The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
Shade from the Heat
You have been a refuge for the poor, a refuge for the needy in his distress, a shelter from the storm and a shade from the heat.
For he wounds, but he also binds up; he injures, but his hands also heal.
I will praise the LORD, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me.
Author of my Faith
Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.
You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.
We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield.
1 John 1:9
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.
2 Samuel 7:28
O Sovereign LORD, you are God! Your words are trustworthy, and you have promised these good things to your servant.
Whew! That's long... It's my hope to also commit these to memory as I help my children along. I also fully expect this list to last a few years, as only one of my children is capable of memorizing verses yet!
In 2002, I completed my elementary education degree from Indiana University. It was wonderful. I did some subsitute teaching because I finished the degree mid-year. The pay wasn't enough to support myself, so I also worked weekends in a department store. And I loved both jobs.
I was very successful in college, earning a degree with academic distinction. If I had stayed in that town, I would still be teaching there today- and probably not needing the second job.
However, the next year my newly aquired husband and I moved south - where teaching jobs were in need. Not having a license in my new home state- or the $100 required to get such license, I pursued a job in a private school. I was hired on the spot. For $22,000/year. I could have looked more. I could have borrowed the $100 that was not in my tight budget, but I took the job. I worked there for three years, and I LOVED it. I loved the families and the staff. I had an amazing boss. Now I am home with my own children- and I love this job.
But, if I had to seek employment, this is where I'd look: Charter School
There are so many reasons why- it's not just about the money- well, more money is nice, right?
It seems that:
Higher payed professionals are treated with more respect than lower payed professionals. Consider doctors, lawyers, politicians, company VIPS. We value these folk's opinions and education more than the lower payed/educated counter parts. It just makes sense to do so. Now, all are needed to make the world go round, but some are held to higher regard. Aren't the teachers of our children- our tomorrow- worth as much as these individuals?
Paying the teachers more money means having fewer programs and extra stuff. I think the trade off is fine, great even. It means getting back to the basics- reading, writing and arithmetic. That will make for successful students, because the focus is in the right place.
Now, let's just bring back the prayer- the acknowledgement of a God who exists- cares even for the details of a child's life and for his education. Then we'd have some real school sucess. Don't you think?
Months ago, I read Charlotte's Web to my daughter over the course of many nights. She loves animals and nature and she loved reading this book. Well, we have had quite a large banana spider living near our home, so we have been observing her all summer. T1 (daughter) has named her Charlotte.
Last week, she layed an egg sac in our doorframe. I quickly drew T1's attention to her egg sac and we noticed that poor Charlotte was quite shruken and droopy. T1 exclaimed, "Charlotte layed an egg sac, and she died." I was quite impressed by this observation. What can I say, I am easily impressed by my 3 year old girl.
It turns out, she didn't die! She spun a web that night, blocking the back door. We watched her eat many bugs and moved her in the evening, hoping she'd make a new web that wouldn't block the door! I am thinking of placing her egg sac into a container and waiting for spring... What do
I have been wanting to start memorizing scripture with my daughter who is 3. When I found this, a light bulb went off. Why reinvent the wheel? Why go on endless searches for the perfect verse to memorize. This is perfect! They are simple; they teach us who God is; they provide opportunity for discussion and for memorization. I can't wait to get started!
I have a bulletin board with learning things posted on it. So far, there is the alphabet, the first memory verse and a calendar.
Our first verse teaches us that God is good. 1Chronicles 16:34
Adopted children are often told that one day someone from the past may show up and desire to reconnect. As a child, I certainly was told. My adoption was celebrated and not hidden from me, and I was content with my life. I felt no desire to go looking for lost family, especially because they had been the ones to walk away from me.
But one day, a phone call came, an unexpected message for me- just for me. Someone in the past wanting to reconnect, establish a relationship, heal the hurt. It put me down a path that I never imagined, but today I am so grateful for that call. It changed my life. Connections were made, hurts were healed, acceptance and unconditional love was found. The call was from an aunt, a dear friend. From that other connections were made: more aunts, uncles and grandparents. but never with parents.
What holds me back from the next step? Is it fear? Am I content in a relationship with my 'adopted' parents? Is it that I have never considered seeking- only considered being sought?
What would I say? How would it go? What would the relationship be like after the meeting? How does it affect my children? Maybe I don't need this, but do they?
These are the things I wonder... And I think I should write more about these experiences....
And lastly, I think of the song: 'Jesus, he can move the mountains... Our God is mighty to save, Jesus conquered the grave...' And isn't that what this is all about? Seperation.. and Jesus conquered it.... so he can conquer my fear and questions too?!
I'll begin with a bit of who I am and what my interests are.. and we'll see where it goes!
More about me:
I was born and raised in the northern United States. I was adopted at a young age- as far as being a child is concerned, and quite an old age as far as being adopted is concerned. I will write about that here. I graduated with a degree in elementary education. I taught for three years, and though I am home now with my children, I approach life with my 'teacher' brain, so that will probably manifest here as well. I am a wife and mother and I will write about that. I am a child of the King- King Jesus that is, and I plan on writing about that too.