Facebook is cool. I enjoy reestablishing old connections- however superficial they may be. It's nice to be able to post pictures of my dear children for my favorite people to see, and to have those people make sweet comments about them.
I never imagined I would reconnect with the very people who left me 20 + years ago to be raised by strangers. I have in the past 10 years reconnected with biological grandparents, aunts and uncles. It has been great- but that's another post- and puts me out of order- oh well. I made it clear to them I was not interested in relationships with my biological parents- and they respected and protected my privacy.
My biological mother found me on Facebook. And you know what? It's okay. A big shock to me, but I am okay. I took a few days- a week- to figure out what I was going to do, and then I did it. I don't know where this is going, but I am interested and willing to see.
She thinks she did the best thing for us. I think God works out everything for the good of those who love Him and are all called according to his purpose. I have claimed this as my life verse. God has worked out everything for me for my own good. But I don't think it had to be this way. I suffered many years without the people who genuinely loved me most. I had to tell her that. It took a long message. She had to know that I am not who I am because she gave me away to some nice people- but I am who I am because I have submitted my spirit to the Spirit of the Most High God. I am who I am because he has healed me of my hurt. I wanted her to know because she is still hurting- I can tell in her words. I want to give her hope for her future that He is BIG ENOUGH!
My sister has been in contact with our biological father. I forwarded him the email. It was the first time I had emailed him. He was surprised. He was encouraging. He was loving. Through his words, I remembered what it felt like to be daddy's girl. I didn't know I had missed that feeling- but there it was. Did I mention he loves Jesus too? And he just puts it out there so easily.
My gaurd is up. My grandpa told me, so wonderfully, I pray you will guard your heart, it is Holy ground! The Spirit of the Living God dwells there! Wow Grandpa! Thank you.
My heart is precious.. and my heart has a big job to do in loving my four precious gifts and I need to protect it. But I am hopeful for restoration and healing. Psalm 30:5 Weeping endures for the night, but joy comes in the morning! And I have joy ... but in this part of my life- Bring on the morning Lord! I am excited about the possibilities...excited, but cautious.