So after she contacted me, I decided to bite the bullet.. face my fears of rejection and contact my father too.
My dad- the one who adopted me- loves me. I know he does. But I didn't know so much in my growing up years. He provided very well for us. He did sweet things, like buying us chocolate on Valentine's Day and taking us on wonderful vacations. He really did the best he could, but he just didn't understand what made our little hearts and minds tick.
And I really remember a lot about my pre adoption life. I was 7 years old. I do remember being a daddy's girl. But I didn't remember it, until I got a letter from him. It wasn't so much what he said, but what he seemed to understand and how I just felt better reading his words. It just made me bawl like a little girl. It made me miss him so much in my growing up years when kids were mean and I had no self worth to stand up for myself. It made me miss him when I brought home silly boys whom I should not have been dating. It made me miss him on my graduation day and my wedding day. I missed him in all parts of my life when I read his words- but I didn't miss him on those actual days. I wasn't aware of it until that moment when I read his words, when I read that he delighted in me and was thrilled that I would reach out to him. And that reminds me a little about my heavenly father.
Even when we aren't looking for him, He is longing for a relationship with us. He delights in us and he wants us to reach out to him.