You can read the beginning of this story here and then here.
The physical part of the pregnancy really wore on me. I think it my emotional state may have contributed to my problems. I was diabetic, but I remained active. I finished teaching that first school year and then walked a mile everyday, even up to the day my girl was born. I think I was trying to get away to somewhere else. It didn't work. Thank God. it didn't work.
Labor was to be induced. The doctor was concerned for her health. Anxiously, we checked in to the hospital. Did I mention I had not received any coaching or taken any classes? They cost $50 and do you know how many bags of dried beans and rice that would be me? I couldn't rationalize spending that much money on a class!
Therefore, the nurse who checked me in and plugged me up to the monitors, the iv, etc gave me a quick lesson.
I was told to monitor my pain on a scale of 1-10. Apparently I didn't do to well with that.
Water was broke at 1pm. At 4 pm, there was a shift change and the new nurse comes into check my stuff. She takes one look at me and asks how I am feeling... I'm okay, but it is getting more intense, I admit. Next thing I know, she is pounding, literally pounding the button to call a nurse. Hmm... a nurse calling a nurse? That doesn't seem right. Several people start wheeling apparatuses into the room and suddenly my room is full of people!
Labor became very intense, but I was breathing okay. I felt like it was time to push. Didn't really know what that would feel like until I actually felt it. That is some intense pressure! And they are all telling me NOT TO PUSH! DO NOT PUSH! So, me, all natural me, says, you are going to have to give me some drugs if you don't want me to push! You see, I imagined 8-12 hour labor. And I thought, I can't endure this another minute, let alone several hours. And the nurse says to me, there's no time! And I say, what do you mean, no time?! And she says, honey, you are having this baby as soon as the doctor gets here. Now it's about ten minutes after 4. Instantly, I throw myself back into the bed and sigh, Oh! At the same time, I am complaining of the heat, would someone please turn on the a/c? At the same time, my doctor walks in the room, throws the gloves on and says, PUSH! I say, I can push?! He says, YES! So, I push. Another minute later, I am cradling my newborn baby girl.
Then the most miraculous thing happened, the guilt washed away. The worries over tomorrow washed away. The feeling of inadequacy washed away. It would all return weeks later, but at that moment,I was able to see her for the true blessing she is. All that stuff that God had supplied through our friends and family seemed so insignificant. Because you can't have a baby if you don't have the stuff, can you?
A brand new person, new to the world. Created by God in my womb. That's the stuff of miracles. That day I became a mom. And my world changed. My perspective changed.
And that's how I became a mother.