words are insufficient

The reunion with my father was good. But there just don't seem to be words in the english vocabulary to tell you how good. I could tell you what we did, where we went, what we ate, what we said, but it wouldn't matter. I can't tell you how I feel about it.

The last time I saw him, I was seven years old. When I saw him coming out of the gate at the airport, I knew him. The picture he sent probably helped. That I had two kids in a stroller and one in my arms probably helped him. But there was more. There was a familiarity to him. That I can't describe.

And when I led him around a long trek around downtown, he willingly pushed the stroller without ever grumbling about my bad sense of direction, which he admitted I probably got from him. And when my kids crawled all over him and cozied up next to his chocolate dessert at dinner, he willingly shared. And when my daughter whispered to me after dinner that she loves her new grandpa, my heart melted. And when he puts his arm around me while we praised God together and I couldn't even sing my praise, for the tears in my eyes and the lump in my throat. See I can tell you all these things, but I can't tell you what they meant to me. I can't make you feel what I felt with the words I used.

But when I took him to the airport to return home and he looked in my eyes and thanked me for letting him come, I knew something I never knew before. And I cried the whole way home and for most of the day, because something special had happened and I am eternally thankful. I am thankful for the new memories to put with my old memories. I am thankful I have a dad who loves me still after all these years who is willing to give of himself so that we can both be better people.

22 years is a long time.

Nearly 22 years ago, my parents said goodbye to my siblings and I. Not knowing if they would ever see us again. I can't even begin to imagine what they must have experienced.

Now, in 24 hours, I will be face to face with my father. While I am not nervous or anxious, I feel like I am on the edge. My father is encouraging. He edifies who I am in the Spirit. But that has all taken place thru the telephone.

This is different. I will meet him in the airport and I will see him face to face. I will bring him to this place where God has given me a home and shown me a love beyond measure.

I am on the edge of something new and it just seems good.

Reunion- the original

About 10 years ago, my parents (those who adopted me and my siblings) sat me down with some big news. To say I was shocked is an understatement.


I thought I had been left behind, unwanted. The news was devastating to that belief, and it took me awhile to see how I had been impacted by the false belief about myself and my family. The more I learn about myself, the more I am able to accept God's love and see myself as He sees me. I believe my post-high school journey would have been more difficult, were it not for the love of these people who were about to enter my life.


The news was from my Aunt Nene, a step-sister to my biological mother. She was offering a different perspective to my adoption story.


Here's the perspective I grew up with:
Our mother, a single mother, struggling to support, realizing she couldn't do it on her own, sought help from a private adoption agency meets older couple with one teenage son, struggling with infertility, desiring more children. Match made in heaven, right?


Aunt Nene ( I was seven when I was adopted and remembered her well) alternative version: Mother had been struggling. Grandpa had just helped her move into an apartment and get settled. One day, Aunt Nene's mom delivers cookies to an empty apartment. Family struggles to find us for weeks. Grandpa hires PI, takes new parents to court to gain custody of us. Court awards custody to new parents. Finally, she says she has waited 10 years to see me again and asks them to talk to me about it.

Shocked by this new perspective, I quickly embrace my new old family. Soon after reuniting with Aunt Nene, I meet uncles and their families and Grandpa and Grandma and cousins!

It was a beautiful day in the park where we picnicked. I remember how my uncle just stared at me throughout the entire initial meeting, while I talked about myself and what I was doing and what I had been doing the past 10 years. You know, general small talk stuff!

Grandpa and I formed a bond founded on the shared love of Christ. We all did really, but it was this relationship that began to transform the way I viewed myself. It was this relationship that brought me through some of the toughest years I have experienced. I do love my Grandpa.

I went to see my Aunt Nene as much as I possibly good while working my way through college. Now I live too far away to drive up for the weekend, and that makes me sad. But our bond is tight and it transcends the miles and the times. Whether we talked last week or last month, we understand and love one another and it is a really good thing. I love her.

Now, it's been more than 10 years since that reunion. I am continually encouraged by this family of faith. I see that God brought them right into my life at a time when I needed. I see that God worked out all the details, because He loves me and because I love Him.

Come back for more bits of the story!

My reunion

The first parent reunion took place over Easter weekend. It was the second reuion with the biological family, but that is another post. So, be sure to come back for that! And coming soon... another reunion!

I was adopted when I was seven. Prior to that, I lived with my biological parents. Those years are another post or posts.

Around Christmas last year, our biological mother contacted my sister and I. Shortly after that she contacted our brother too. We began a series of phone conversations and emailing to get to know one another, to work out the questions, the conflicts, the fears and anxieties.

Because my brother will be living abroad for a few years, and because we are all spread across this great nation, we wanted to get together before he left. It worked out that we would meet her at that time. Our grandfather (her father) has been a part of my life for the past 10 years (that's another post, remember?), so we invited him to come along too. He was like a security blanket for me, and I think for her too.

I have put this post off for awhile, because I really struggle with the words to work out what transpired. There's the facts (We had 6 adults and 4 children in a 1000 sq foot home for 3 days) and there's the emotions (I just wanted one more hug).

But how do I tell about meeting the woman who brought me into the world, the woman who walked away from me and left me vulnerable to strangers? How do I share my wedding photos with the one who I wished had been there while I tried on wedding gowns? How do I welcome her as a guest, when she could have been there to help me settle into a new life with my newly wed? How do I enjoy the moments that are fleeting when I have all these thoughts haunting my heart?

I lean on the one who loves me, who gave His life that I might have this one. I lean on Him, because even though I think I could have worked it out better, He can work it out to be better.
For I know I love God, and He will work out the details of my life, according to His purposes.

And it helps to have Grandpa.

Another reunion

Have you read about this reunion? While my story is very different, it is a story about a father and a daughter coming together.

My Dad is coming to visit. It's a year of change for me. God has brought me out of my comfort zone by bringing my biological parents back into my life, but I am SO GLAD it has happened. My Dad's visit is still a couple months away, but here's a few things I am looking forward to:

Sharing a hug.

Sharing a walk.

Sharing my children.

Sharing a rootbeer float w/ chocolate ice cream. Mmm Hmmm!

Just one more hug...

This past weekend, my sibs and I were reunited with our biological mother. I want to remember every moment. But, that would be a long post. So, the highlights will be posted on day at a time. Starting with the end.

The day my mother and my grandpa left, the left at 5a.m. My baby chose that night to sleep through the night. So, I was really snoozin' and didn't hear them as they prepared to leave. I did hear my front door open and close. I knew as I instantly woke up, that my guests were leaving. As I stumbled out of bed, I got to the front room as I saw the car pulling away.

The design of the enemy is to separate us from the ones we love. He uses sin to separate us from God. He uses hurtful events, hurtful words, distance, even death to separate us from the ones we love, the ones who love us.

The good news of the resurrection is that in Christ's power over death, there is power over separation. We no longer are separated from God by sin. There is forgiveness. When Christ comes again to call us to our new home, we no longer will be separated by hurts, by miles, or even by death. And that is good news indeed.

I told my dear husband that I just wanted one more hug. He kindly told me, even if I had been there for one more hug, I still would have wanted one more hug. In my new home, there always will be one more hug.

Peace, Charlotte

This and That

I have prewritten posts for the next week. I will be having family here and can I just say. I am SO excited. So, I will be taking a break from this here blog.

My upcoming posts are Easter related hymn ponderings. Some of my favorites. I just love Spring, but I really love it because Easter is so special to me.

This year, it gets even more special as I get to enjoy having my family with me. My siblings and I will be reuniting with our biological mother in one week.

The next post I write will be my 100th! I haven't started that yet, but I am thinking about it. It will probably include some updates about our reunion.

Thanks for reading!

The Locator Episode 1

I just watched the first episode of Season 2 on my DVR.

And let me just say. Sometimes I am sad over my childhood experiences. My whole world was rocked the summer I was seven. I was removed from the people who loved and cherished me and given a brand new family. They did their best to care for me and give me the things I needed. But they just didn't 'get' me. And they didn't try. So, I complain. And after seeing this, I see I have so much to be greatful for.

The first part of the episode, a young woman, near to my age is seeking her mother. She also had been adopted as an older child, along with a sibling, in the late 80's. Troy finds the mother, and after quite a bit of work too. The mother wants nothing to do with her children, and it is just so sad.

I am so thankful that my parents want to know me, that they care about who I've become, that they still love me. Wow. I am blessed.

The second part is a group of sisters. They had been split up in foster care after their mother could not care for them any longer. The four sisters are looking for a fifth sister, and Troy finds them and it is wonderful.

As dificult as it was for my siblings and I, it was so good for us to be able to continue growing up together. Though we went through some rocky times and our relationships crumbled, God is putting us back together. He is setting us up on a new foundation, one that is Jesus Christ, so that we can forever be bonded together in His love. It doesn't get any better than that.

We are spread out by many miles now, but we all can be together again for one weekend this Easter. And that is so good.

are we there yet? 30 days and counting...

I wrote here about an upcoming event in my life. I am an excited ball of nervous energy. What does that look like?! It'll be fun. I can't wait to have time with my siblings again. It's been way too long. We love each other and we have so much fun together. It's going to be great.

Each day, I look at the calendar and think, "Is it Easter yet?" Surely it is the middle of March, by now? Is it really still just the first week of March? Are we not yet in the double digits?

Finally today, we are one month out from our reunion. Oh that day- what a day of rejoicing that will be! This little reunion we are having siblings, mother, grandfather, I think is a glimpse of the reunion God has planned for us. Now, that will be some serious rejoicing!

1 Corinthians 2:9 (New International Version)
However, as it is written: "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him"

Hallelujah!