The sermon at church this week brought my attention to a closet in my heart. The Pastor referenced an episode of Friends, in which Monica has a hidden closet. She appears to be neat and orderly, but the contents of the closet reveal the messy secret she is hiding. It's pretty humorous and you can see it here.
So it got me to thinking about a closet in my own heart. The past few months have been emotional for me. It's tough work getting to know the people who brought me into the world. The people who cradled and loved me, the people who left me. It's tough because I have to look at myself differently and I have to be honest with myself. But, that's another post...
I realized I have gone through my life so far, pridefully thinking that I am better than them, and thinking I am going to make better choices and do better things, but mostly, thinking that I will never leave my children and thinking that makes me a better person. That is what I have been storing in my closet.
The truth is it's just not about that. The truth is God doesn't keep an account of our mistakes. He doesn't give me a grade for my performance. He loves them as he loves his own son, Jesus. And he loves me as he loves his own son, Jesus too.
Because I've allowed myself to be prideful, I've allowed myself to believe that I don't need them. And God wants me to really see them and know them. The truth is, they know me. The truth is that I was knit together in my mother's womb. The truth is I was a Daddy's little girl. The truth is that I do need them, that my life can be better by having them in my life. And, I think I am finally okay with that.
*Updated* You can see that sermon here: http://seacoast.org/seriesHome.asp?pageID=38 It's called What's in your closet?